Welcome to the forum
I’ve now lost all four parents. My mum in law was like a second mum to me, especially as mine was disabled. After my own mum died after a long battle with illness and disability, my main feeling was that of relief that she was no longer suffering. I’ve also lost my husband, my brother, and my sister in law, although I’m only 66.
I miss someone my own age to share things with, but I’ve built a new life now.
After my husband died I read a book called “Starting Again” by Sara Litvinoff, really designed for divorcees, but very relevant to my own situation too, because it was all about building a new life. It was easy to read, and lived in my bedside drawers for a long time.
It will help you work out what you would really like to do when your caring role is over.
Have a diary/notebook or similar and write down all your worries and fears, then work out what you can do.
Then the fun list, what you’ve always wanted to do, but never been able to. Large or small, whatever you want it to be.
I struggled to be myself again, but then started going to a hotel for singles only, in Crete. NOT a dating hotel, but somewhere single travellers could feel safe and have a really good holiday. Some are married but partners in the forces, unable to travel, etc.
Next year I’m going Island Hopping in Greece with one of the girls I met there, something we’ve both wanted to do for a long time, but didn’t have anyone else to share with. We’ve just had a fun couple of weeks booking flights, accommodation etc. She is in Norfolk, I’m in Hampshire, but it’s so easy to keep in touch with the phone and internet.
Finally, the Elephant in the Room. Are you prepared as you can be for mum’s death?
have Power of Attorney
have brothers and sisters
know if mum has over £23,000 in savings (if under, Social Services will help with care)
know if you will be able to stay in mum’s house after she dies
know how much money you will have as savings and income afterwards
know what funeral director you will use when mum’s time comes
have a list of who needs to know
have a list of mum’s favourite music for the service.
I know it’s horrible to think about these things, but the more prepared you are, the easier it will be for all concerned.