Hi I am new here, carer to an adult son with MH issues

Hi my son is 28 and still lives at home, he is an only child so I guess in some ways we have made a rod for our own backs, Allowing his mental illness to affect every aspect of our lives. He has suffered since the age of 14 when he was diagnosed with Psychosis unbeknown to us he tried self medicating with drugs cannabis etc which only made things worse. More recently he has been diagnosed with BPD. Although I don’t believe he has ever properly been fully diagnosed. He has never been hospitalised or even seen the same MH professional for any length of time. He has not left his room for months, barely eats and does not take his medication. He has aggressive outbursts & self harms which means I am on tenterhooks the whole time. It has put a terrible strain on my marriage we have not had a holiday for 10 years as we have no other family who could care for him. I worry about getting old (we are in our 50’s now) how will we cope with him then. What happens when we die? I some how wish I could get him in to housing of his own to prepare him for this. But as long as he is safe with us this does not seem an option. Is any one else in a similar position?

Hello Debra

Welcome to our forum, the situation with your son sounds really difficult for you. Have you thought about coming along to one of our care for a cuppa sessions? We run them every Monday afternoon at 3pm for an hour or so, its a chance for carers to come together and chat, people say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself and meet and chat with other carers. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:


Please do come and join us, as I said there’s no pressure to share anything more than you’re comfortable with.
with kind regards

Start by recording his aggressive outbursts on your phone.
Keep a diary of day to day things he does or does not do.
Many carers have found this a way of getting help.

What good parents you and your husband are. What would happen if there should be only one of you. Could either of you manage your son alone

Yes, you are enabling your son. Sometimes it seems better to just go along and not rock any boats. The thing is your son is dictating your life’s. It’s OK for your son to not leave his room and eat as he wishes etc. However it’s not OK his behaviour to effect other peoples way of life. Where are your choices. Have you ever made contact with MIND UK.

Hi Debra, Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
My son is also an only child. He is 27 years old and has been diagnosed with mild Aspergers disorder. As a child he was exceptionally bright and got good GCSE’s. But at 17 he started to go downhill. He became anxious and shut himself away. Unbeknown to us he was prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety tablets. He still takes high doses of these tablets now 10 years on. He sometimes stays in his room all day He has never been able to hold down any job and is claiming ESA.
I feel that the 2 Lockdowns and the ongoing restrictions are making things worse for my son and others with MH problems. He rarely leaves the house now whereas previously he would meet up with friends once a week or so.
Has your son got any friends?