I found this forum after doing a google search. Every story resonates with me in some way and my experience of my 22 year old son. Suspected ASD, although undiagnosed, additional mental health issues (paranoia, persecution complex, low self esteem, self hatred and bitterness of others), cannabis use.
It’s impossible to have a sensible conversation. I try hard to think about my approach but every time I try, he flips it to his woes and my ‘awful’ parenting. He calls me names and has threatened to kill his younger brother who is 20. Both live at home. It’s a living nightmare for me and his brother. I am exhausted and depleted.
I know I want him out but he has refused to go.
Like another post I read , I actually paid rent on a flat using my savings but after a year he was evicted because the scale of untidiness was unbelievable and a health hazard. In the end on the brink of being homeless I caved in and had him back, but am now paying the price. I have been in touch with the GP (who is supportive), adult services (didn’t want to know), the autistic lead (who will assess him, but he refuses).
I just don’t know how to go about anything to get him support and also out, but am worried all at the same time. I am worried about him, me and my other son’s safety and MH. Should I go along the route of sectioning but what are the implications? So, I am wondering if anyone has had experience of having had a loved one of this nature sectioned and can tell me a bit more.
I have split your post from the thread you posted on as that one was an old one (2018).
I have no experience/advice to offer as I cared for an elderly parent with dementia but I’m sure other members with more experience will be along soon.
What you’re describing is a situation where you need to seek help from mental health services and also to ensure that you are protected, as you’re in what is best described as a safeguarding situation. The fact that he’s making threats of physical harm is especially worrying, when taken with his paranoid behaviour.
You asked about the implications of getting him sectioned. One is that he has the chance of getting the right treatment to help him to cope with life and bring some stability to his health. The other is that you and your other son will be safe, whereas it’s not possible to say that right now. They are the main ones and the most important right now.
You have to treat your safety and both your sons’ safety as paramount. Other considerations are very much secondary right now.
Thank you, Charles, that is helpful. I am not sure how long sectioning lasts and what state of anger/bitterness he would be in when released and the implications of that.
I will explore the sectioning length and ponder the response of my son before acting. But you are entirely right on all counts and our/my safety is paramount and clearly we can’t go on in this way.
Whether, and how long he is sectioned depends on the judgment of the mental health professionals who treat him. The Mind charity has a lot of information on their website.
My son behaved in ways very similar to what you describe; he was aggressive towards his younger brother, criticised my parenting and his dad’s, and had a privately-rented flat but could not keep up the payments as he could not hold down a job.
However after a spell in hospital his behaviour improved immeasurably. It has been a long road with a lot of ups and downs but he is doing well now, takes regular medication and rarely relapses, and he has a council flat.
I wish you all well.
Sarah, there is a possibility that he would resent your seeking his sectioning. Equally, there is a possibility that if they stabilise his situation, he would recognise that you did him a favour, which is what happened to StarFish.
No way to know.
But whichever way that goes, there is a far better chance of getting him to a point where he lives separately from you, giving you and your other son a chance to rebuild your lives. And of course, it gives him the same chance too, provided there is support to help him succeed in his new home.
Thank you, Starfish and Charles. That is helpful and gives me encouragement. X
Does you son have a CPN - Community Psychiatric Nurse or someone similar who assists him? If so, you might be able to find a placement in supported housing for people that have mental health issues. Some of them have 24/7 staff etc but you would need to do complete a referral form which is normally done by a MH or Housing professional. Some have thresholds which need to be met to be able to get in. I presume your son is on some sort of benefits? If so, the rent is normally paid via UC unless there are extra charges.
Contact your Council’s Housing or Homelessness section and tell them what is going on. If they fob you off, keep contacting them daily.