Hi All, just joined and need advice

I have been looking after my 90 year old Mother-in-law for the past 5 years along with husband and brother since she became chair bound. She is has been in and out of hospital with UTI, respiratory problems and is now on oxygen all the time. She has carers and Distirct Nurses (diabetes type 1) coming in every day to see to her needs. The family are in with her every day to keep her company. In March she had severe respiratory problems and was put on a Non Invasive machine to clear her lungs but said may do some damage to her brains, didn’t react and told there was nothing more they could do. Mum came back to life and recovered in her health, but she has been having a hallucinations ever since. The last time she went in to hospital they said she had resolved delirium and has been sent home and ever since she has been really depressed and repeats all the time that she wants to die and thinks we are killing her. She is rude and aggressive, when she used to be really sweet. Even her regular carers don’t recognise her anymore. She also continuously contacts the pendant alarm people and is distressed and rude to them. She said she is not pressing the button they are contacting her! The doctor is involved and is referring her to mental health and also doing blood test and changing her medicines around. I’m sorry for the rant but don’t know where to go from here. Can anyone give advice?


Mum in law is now a very great age, and some sort of mental decline is almost inevitable.

I’m going to suggest something which sounds unkind, but really isn’t. Google “Signs of Dying” and you will find articles written by people who have worked in hospices, which explain how the body slowly declines. I think you might find it helpful to read them.

Nothing anyone can do will change MIL’s decline, and (mercifully in some ways) she may not realise how poorly she is, or how much people are trying to help her. The only way to deal with this is to concentrate on what she NEEDS, not what you or anyone else want.

Does she own, or rent, her home?
Have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Are you aware of NHS Continuing Healthcre?
Attendance Allowance?
Exemption from Council Tax on the grounds of “Severe Mental Impairment”?

Thank you so much for your reply. I have now googled “signs of dying” and found a really good article and certainly has opened my eyes. You are right to say it’s not what we need and what she needs. She is adamant she wants to die her in her own home and will try in every way to respect her wishes. Thank you for making me looking at it a different way. :smiley:

Two links which will be of assistance here :

Care at home ?

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare … and … Pointon :