"hello" :mrgreen:

Hi everyone.

It’s been years and years since I joined an online forum and never since I spoke to someone who truly understood the demands of caring.

I currently, alongside my husband care for my mother in law who has been unwell since 2012 with all sorts but the most difficult to deal with has been her vascular dementia. With me working from home since March and hardly leaving, it has been a struggle to say the least and it has been a turbulent 6 months and it has taken it’s toll on me physically and mentally particularly as I am working full time (and then some) in a demanding job, trying to complete a professional course and am the ‘sorter out of things’ at home; though right now i’m in a ‘good place.’

I turned to this website today because I’ve had enough of abrupt ‘professionals’ with bad attitudes but after reading some posts on incontinence pads, my spirits lifted and rather than dwell on the shambolic systems in place I got a bit more hopeful in terms of what needed could be achieved.

So I signed up and now I am saying “hello” because being on this forum with you all could do me some good! :mrgreen:

Hi Noura and welcome

Well you sound just amazing to me working full time and caring.

This is the place if need to vent ask any questions. And gain some extra knowledge and pass on knowledge. Although, I feel from what you have already shared. That you could help many others.

My hat goes of to anyone who has a family member with any form of memory issue. I’m good at physical problems and dealing with professionals. Having years of practice not so good at individuals with reoccurring same behaviours or constantly talking. Going over the same conversations etc.

Welcome to the forum.

Your workload is going to make you ill!

It is time to introduce someone else into the family so that when you come home you can REST!

Mum in law is clearly going downhill fast with dementia.
Have you asked Social Services to do a Needs Assessment, investigated respite care, or considered residential care?
I’m sure it’s what no one wants, but it will soon be what she NEEDS, a team of carers 24/7?
Don’t leave it too late, respite is a good way of finding out what a home is like.

Thank you :slight_smile: :slight_smile: yes! The same questions again and again are a PAIN! I feel bad about it sometimes but I end up saying I’ve “already answered that question, I’ll come to see you later” and leaving the room. She does have a penchant for going round in circles and then gets emotional about it. :confused:

No we do have carers x4 a day but it’s the other 10 hours of the day that she still needs attn.

We were supposed to get respite last month as we planned a weekend away. Last minute social care turns round and says " she has to do the covid test". The DAY BEFORE!!! We had planned it for weeks and we weren’t told til the last minute. Needless to say we had to cancel the trip, I wasn’t very happy about it :smiling_imp: to be fair I did get a 4minute long apology in a voicemail. But then there’s the added worry about risks to her in the care home due to all the headlines.

And of course we cant afford residential care. Her daughter is too busy with her own kids in Scotland and no one else to rely on, even temporarily. So where do I turn to next?