Hello, new to the forum

Hello I’m Sam, new to the forum.

I’m caring for my Mum who has chronic copd & emphysema.
I’ve stepped up to the role since losing my Dad suddenly to cancer a few years ago & since then her condition has deteriorated.

I’m in my early 30’s & unfortunately don’t have a massive family network for support, just my older brother, who has chosen to work away, which has left me with a lot of responsibilities, juggling work & life.
I’m wondering if anyone is / has been in a similar position & any tips towards finding a balance & maintaining my metal health, would be really appreciated :yellow_heart:

I knew someone with chronic emphysema, having worked in a bakery all his life.
He gasped for every breath, but looked forward to my visits.
If he knew I was going to call in he’d make my husband and I special cake treats.

How much outside help is mum having?
Does she own or rent he home?
Have over £23,000 in savings (yes/No). This is the limit for Social Services help with care funding.
Does she have a Lifeline pendant to call for help when she’s alone?
Claiming Attendance Allowance? (assuming she is over 65?)

Do you have a home of your own, any family?
Have you had a Carers Assessment from Social Services?

Welcome to the form. I am sorry you found yourself here.

I am in my mid 40s and have been a carer for 10 years or so. I found the forum when I was a breaking point with caring and it had taken over my life. Both parents were unwell and I had a very young family. Advice I found here truly saved me! My Dad died 2 years ago and so is now just my Mum who has Alzheimer’s. She lives at home with care split between, me, my sister, an agency and day care.

The key for me was working out what I could do and then letting everything else fall to someone else. My parents were VERY resistant to outside help. But it had to happen or my sister and I were going to have breakdowns.

At your age you are absolutely entitled to a social life, carer, relationship etc and you really mustn’t let caring get in the way of whatever it is you want from life. Doesn’t mean you don’t care. Someone here said to me that you need to see yourself as a ‘care manager’ - you coordinate care coming in and then free yourself up for the nice stuff with your Mum. And that is pretty much how it works for us now. My own mental health is MUCH improved as a result and I am far better equipped to deal with inevitable emergencies as a result!

Hello Sam and welcome to the forum

I’m sure many on here will relate to your feelings of having to juggle everything and balance out the different parts of your life. It can be really difficult.

Have a look at our help and advice pages here:

There’s lots of information about getting support and taking care of yourself. Talking to other carers can help too, and it’s important to make time for yourself and take breaks where you can. We run weekly online meet ups for carers to chat informally and you’d be very welcome to join us. Sign up details are here:


Best wishes