TBH I think you have to have stopped caring before you could become a befriender and there is quite a lot of training involved. Like you, it is something one day I would consider though because only those who have been involved in caring, can understand the day to day issues of caring. But do see if you have a local group and if you could register for a telephone befriender - there may be a waiting list.
Even getting out of the house in order to take a walk can help. This afternoon I left Milo at home whilst I walked into town to see some new friends and buy clothes etc. I had a great time trying on clothes first of all. Then I went across the road to a small local coffee shop to have a soft drink and some cake. I had a fun time looking at items in the shops on my own. At the coffee shop I got to sit down for a hour to talk with other adults and enjoy life. It was a nice afternoon.
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Hi Tom, has dad’s doctor told you how long he thinks dad has left? When my dad had prostate cancer, his GP wouldn’t tell me anything, although he knew I wasn’t well and my disabled mum would be my responsibility. So I rang the Prostate Cancer Charity and they were very helpful, asking me about dad’s symptoms. They said from the information I’d given them, they thought he had about 6 months left. It turned out they were very active. After this information, I went back to the GP, who this time was more forthcoming. It’s really important for you to have some idea of how long you will be caring.
Thanks. I’ll be caring for him for as long as needed. Forgive me for not answering your other questions but this thread was just meant to be a ‘saying hello’ thread. Best wishes, tom.
Oh really? I didn’t know that but it makes sense. I may do it but tbh and sorry if this may sound nasty but I think when my caring days are done I’ll be heading for the hills and never looking back!
I will inform you guys of course in a post and reply if I got any replies but I would probably put my caring days behind me and not return to this site or any other carer’s things ever again! Unless I make good friends on here I’ll be pursuing pastures annew that has 0 to do with caring stuff like my preferred field of acting, art and music!
Tom, I was passing on my own experiences in the hope they would help, questions for you to consider for yourself, without expectation of an answer here. So many of us (I’ve had 10 relative carees over 40 years) have become carers without any warning or knowledge and have then been left to fend for ourselves. In the beginning it’s difficult to know what questions to ask.
Bowlingbun, I appreciate your desire to help and that your intentions were good but as I said this was merely meant to be me saying “hello”. Asking me if I know how long my dad has to live is not the sort of welcome response I was expecting. Please can we consider this conversation closed? Many thanks.
Totally understand. When your caring days are over you will need and deserve a break. I feel the same but I also feel that maybe after a few months I would be ready to start the training and look at giving something back. I do know that having a befriender has helped me very much. But YOU have to be ready and frankly whilst I am sure it is rewarding I am sure it can be very draining. From reading posts here, many are at breaking point, and I would include myself in this, at times . So I totally understand why the training has to be so intense and needs to teach the befrienders to be able to offer compassion and distance.
Ok I will certainly try. I wonder what the training involves? I thought about doing it now because I am going through it now and more passionate and in the moment if that makes sence. I may forget about the hardships after some time has passed and not feel as passionate about how the other carers feel whilst befriending them but you never know I may well still be very passionate about helping them. So you have one, what does it entail and what do you 2 talk about?
I know that one time I phoned childline a long time ago about some bullying I received as a teenager and the woman mainly listened and didn’t really offer much advice except contact the council. I didn’t think they could help! we’d already done it!
I do not think you can be a befriender whilst you are still a Carer? But it is worth checking. I am not sure what the training involves, but I would imagine it would include dealing with situations where the carer is very depressed and hopefully getting them help or persuading them to seek help. When I was very upset that the District Nurses discharged my husband for his ‘non compliance’ my befriender offered to challenge this via the Carers Centre. I decided that this was not necessary at this time but it was nice that they were prepared to offer this help and the support was very much appreciated. I honestly think you need to finish caring before helping others in this way as caring can be very emotional and stressful. But it may be worth calling your local Carers and finding out a little more about what it entails.
LordJeromiah - I totally get why you’d like to use now the insights and experience you’ve gained.
The carers support centre recognised that many people feel the same way and so they’ve created a mentoring service to sit alongside its befriending offering. See Carers Befriending & Mentoring | Carers Support Centre
You might also find this site of interest. It provides wide-ranging info about befriending, including a directory that allows you to search by region, theme and age group. No doubt each group will have its own specific process for onboarding befrienders. Directory — Befriending Networks
I hope these links might be of use.
Best wishes.
That is very interesting Tom - I did not know this but I can certainly understand how someone who has been a Carer for several years, would be a great mentor to someone who is new to caring.
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