Hello from a new carer

Hi, My husband and I care for our nephew (hub’s sister’s adult son) who has learning disabilities and is relatively non verbal, though he does love to chatter :smile: We have him at our home 5 days a week where he has his own room and sleeps over 3 or 4 nights a week. We have 3 children at home aged 9-14… And now I’m going to pop over to the advice rooms :+1:

Hi JC and welcome,

Hub’s sister is very lucky to have you both helping out so much.


I’m a little concerned she’s taking a few liberties at the moment tho :wink: We’ll get it sorted tho, hopefully advice in here will make it easier :blush:

How did it come to helping out so much?
What are you looking for as advice?
What age is your nephew?

Hi Sunny,

His sis moved back locally in Oct and brought the hours she’d been paying someone else with DP. Nephew is late 30s.

That’s not very fair on your own kids. A long term solution needs to be found.

We want to be the long term solution, it’s all good :+1:

Not if she is claiming Carers Allowance, and receiving maximum PIP etc. for her son, whilst only giving you the DP’s!
You are being taken advantage of!

I’d have thought with SS being involved and knowing full well how much he’s here that wouldn’t be the case?

You must meet the following requirements to be entitled to Carer’s Allowance: Spend at least 35 hours a week caring for someone (you do not need to live with them or be related) The person you care for receives a qualifying disability benefit. Be at least 16 years old.13 Apr 2021

If your sister in law is claiming carers allowance. Who do you think should be claiming the allowance?

Hi @JuicyCorriander

I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum and to highlight some of the options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is Monday 21 June, 15.00-16.00. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

Carers UK also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

Your nephew is entitled to a lot of benefits, taken together there’s highest PIP, you should be given a significant proportion of that by SIL, and a share of his ESA etc. Subsidising your nephew is like taking money away from your own kids.

Hmm, I understand what you mean now…
I think brother and sister are going to need a little chat

Claiming carers allowance and no other work. A individual can get there NI stamp covered. So goes towards their numbers of years in order to claim their state pension. Is your husband getting/paying for a NI credit/stamp.

Does your nephew have a blue badge.

You can’t claim CA if you are getting Direct Payments, if they take you over the income limit.
However if SIL is on benefits, she can claim CA and then have entitlement not to look for work.
So she can sit at home and be paid to do nothing most of the time, as her son is with you!
As her son is an adult, he gets benefits in his own right.
Not just PIP, but income related benefits to, with a disability premium!
Probably £2-300 a week in total. If you don’t see any of this, she is keeping it all for herself!!!
If he is with you more than him, who is the DWP Appointee, i.e. where does all the correspondence go?

Pretty much everything goes thru his mum, we don’t deal with nephew’s finances at all, and his mailing/home address is with his mum. We have just gotten to the bottom of BR on the tax code, a letter to employer arrived at her house so she gave it straight to my hub instead of the accountant :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

No, he doesn’t have a blue badge, I was under the impression he did but it doesn’t look like it’s been applied for since the last expired.

Then get SIL to send off evidence of his disability (PIP proof) to the Council.#
Should be dealt with very quickly, about 2 weeks.


Hello…what an amazing job you are doing.

Will do :+1: It’s been a low priority thing as he’s not particularly physically challenged, just needs to be near a bathroom when he has to go, much like my mum :wink: but we’re looking into taking him on a family trip to Wales during summer hols, it could make life easier knowing we could pull up outside of a public loo.

Mrs Mac
Hello. It’s easier having him like this, in that he does go to his mum’s for weekends, like how my mum describes grandkids - lovely, coz you can hand them back :laughing: