Hi everyone
My name is Simon and I am 62 years old…I live in Edinburgh with my dog Harry,whom I love dearly and he helps me get through every single day. I have mental health issues,depression and a mild personality disorder, I struggle with the depression most days and deal with the p.d. by living alone and rarely socialising apart from dog walking with a friend. I have been through alcoholism and drug addiction also but am now clean and sober. I like being outdoors as far away from the city as possible,especially forests and by Water.
Anyway The reason I searched out this forum. Is because I have become the. Primary carer for my elderly mother. She is 84. And I believe in the early stages of dementia, though she would say it’s just her memory going a bit. At first I didn’t mind caring for her. I just helping with the shopping, doing paperwork, paying bills. Managing money things like that. Simple repairs around her flat. But lately her memory loss. Or whatever you choose to call, it has got worse and I am finding it extremely difficult to deal with her. As she is my mother, she seems to think she’s still always right and argues about everything. I would quite happily walk away, but somewhere deep down there’s this obligation feeling I have, which won’t let me. It’s just become like a habit That I can’t drop. I want to get her a professional carer. But of course, she flatly denies that she needs one. I also feel she takes advantage. Of me, because I am her son. And that she is capable of a lot more than she lets on. I don’t trust her. Why am I bothering with her? That’s a good question and one I can’t answer for myself. I hope talking to you guys were at least give me. A bit of relief. And get the anger off my chest. Anyway, hello to everybody and I’m glad I found this forum. Bye for now.
Hi Simon,
A lot of elderly people don’t want anyone to help them except their family, however, as their needs get greater that isn’t realistic.
Some carers have convinced their relative that the carer is there to help them in their role, others introduce them as a trainee to be trained up to look after other elderly people (!) and others have had THE conversation where they tell their relative what they are/ aren’t prepared to do and that if they want them to carry on caring then accepting outside help too is non negotiable.
Melly1
Hi Simon,
Welcome to the forum!
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a worrying and stressful time caring for your mum. Has your mum visited her GP recently in regards to memory concerns? It must be very frustrating for you Simon but try to take a rest for yourself and take care of your overall wellbeing too.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.
You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)
They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:
Benefits and financial support
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
Best wishes
Lucy.
Hello Simon and welcome to the forum.
I’m in a similar situation to you. My mum is 90 years old and lives nearby. I’m in my late 50’s.
My mum has mobility issues due to osteoarthritis.
My advice to you is this - decide what YOU are prepared to do and stick to it. For instance I go to my mums late afternoon to cook her a healthy meal, I then clear up, put the dishwasher on, watch some tv with her and then go home. That’s my routine. It wasn’t always like this - I started out full of energy and enthusiasm but I found - the more I did - the more she expected and took for granted.
So decide what hours you are prepared to do each day and form a routine.
Think of an excuse why you can’t stay for longer such as ‘I have to take the dog out now’ or ‘I’ve got shopping to do’ or ‘I’ve got a delivery coming’ etc etc.
Hopefully this should make you feel better because you’re still be helping her but you will be taking control.
Has mum been to a Memory Clinic? If she is diagnosed with dementia, it means she can receive Attendance Allowance, and also she will be exempt from Council Tax.