Guilt ridden i feel worthless

Hi all
This is my wifes account and i feel so guilty that i have let her down
my wifes father passed away and left her £20000 which we declared to the dwp which resulted in all my universal credit and limited capacity for work and work related activity claim to be closed
my wife deals with all the financies i have psoratic arthritas ankolysing spondalitas and sleep apnea and severe anxiety
i feel so bad that my wife was left some money from her father and now has to use it to support us pay the bills shopping etc , when she should of been able to treat herself to something nice
if i could get a job to help her i would but it would be impossible this situation has caused us both severe deppresion and my anxiaty is of the scale im suicidal

Hi Jane’s husband.

Please contact the helpline for advice

Our telephone Carers UK Helpline service is available Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0808 808 7777 (including bank holidays, with the exception of Easter Monday). Alternatively, you can contact our Helpline service by emailing at any time. Contact Us | Samaritans

If you feel suicidal please contact the Samaritans

Hi Jane’s husband. I agree with @Melly1 - contact the helpline. That said, you did the right thing, legally speaking. If you hadn’t declared it and the DWP had found out, it would have been a lot worse.

Sorry to say, @Charlesh47 is quite right - it saddens me that when someone tries to help you get kicked in the teeth by the ‘system’ but to have tried to hide it could have resulted in a much more serious problem.

We have a similar issue - unable to claim anything other than AA and CA as Graham had been very frugal and didn’t fritter away a legacy from his Dad a few years ago. We could have had a World Cruise and re-carpeted the house and landscaped the garden and all sorts of things, but kept it safe for retirement. When his stroke hit and forced us to close our business he find we have been “too careful” !

Once your capital goes down below the limit, you will be able to claim again. There are rules about “deprivation of capital”. Roughly speaking if you went on a cruise or bought an expensive painting to get below the threshold, then that might be counted as deprivation of capital. However, if you spend it on a new bed because your old one is worn out, or a new carpet, or something to make your lives more comfortable, that might be OK. Be sure to discuss this with the helpline. If you have your old benefit details to hand, it might help them. They were brilliant helping me with an issue long ago.

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Do you have a joint account between you or different? I don’t know if it applies in this case but when I was incapable of carrying out my caring duties for some weeks, Social Services gave us free visits by 2 carers , 4 times a day. After some weeks they said they needed to do a review of our finances. I told them I had well over the limit for any means tested benefits and the social worker asked… is the bank account in your name or a joint account? Apparently if the money was all in my name, my wife could still get free care and now its over £15,000 a year! The best thing is to contact helpline for advice but if you have separate bank accounts, it might be classed as your wifes money, not yours? After all, the money was left to you wife in her fathers will?

You shouldn’t feel guilty about using money to survive.
We’d all love to have a scenario where money left in a legacy was used to turn our life around or to enjoy and treat ourselves, but for some of us that’s just not going to happen.

When I was made redundant I had to use my mum’s inheritance to pay the mortgage and the bills. Carers allowance havent wanted to know since December 2021.

When it comes to finainces you’re doubly stuffed in a attempt to get help, but broadly speaking when it comes to assessments from social services they look at the person being cared for only.

So for instance a joint account would mean that they look at 50% of the sum therin and same with outgoings like bills and the such. It always works on the principle that if you weren’t there what would they have.

Deprivation of capital is another one that councils will scrutinise. If you’re going to buy that BMW M5 then you’d better be doing it six months before you claim for any help as other wise it’s viewed very dimly when you were over the threshold and suddenly a boat appears on the drive and what do you know you’re under the threshold. In such circumstances you would be forced to sell said boat if you want their help.

We had the same thing, and we used the excess to replace window frames and get some solar panels on the roof. Social services were ok with that since it needed doing and would be of benefit in the long run.

The most frustrating thing is that there’s no pause button on the benefits system, you’re either claiming or not, and then you wonder why people don’t tell the system- because the minute it spits you out trying to climb back onto the horse is near impossible, I know.

However all that said, it’s your wife’s money, not yours. She’s within her rights to spend it as she sees fit, there’s nothing in law that says that she must put it towards the household finances, if it goes into a joint account then yes, 50% is technically yours. Now if it had been your inheritance , then it’s a different matter as you are the claimant not her. it’s a subtlety but one that’s noteworthy.

I know you feel guilty, but try not to. She loves you and that’s why she’s doing it. If she didn’t you’d be wondering what the hell you were going to do with a boat and five prada handbags.

I would also add, that once you get back ont he system again look into the best savings scheme on the planet that nobody knows about - 50% return on your savings - way better than anything offered this side of a government dodgy contract.