Hi
Just signed up today although been thinking about it for a while. I’ve read some really supportive posts and I hope to be able to do that too at some point.
At the moment I’m at a low ebb, they come and go, and fortunately for me they don’t come too often.
I care for my wife. I will share more about myself and situation as I work out how to use this place (it would be really easy to work out who I am) and I want a safe place to talk and share how I really feel.
Like many other posts I’ve seen I have feelings of guilt as I’m so fed up being in this situation and that has helped. I hear so many carers who are absolutely wonderful and seem to embrace their role. I went to a group with my wife and the other carers were so ‘caring’ I came away feeling really bad as I felt I was the only one who felt cheated; isolated; lonely…
So this is why I’m going to try a virtual group.
So hello I’m Rose Good to meet you
Hi Rose, welcome to the forum.
Hopefully you’ll find more support here. In total I’ve had 10 family carees, just my son with severe learning difficulties left now. He’s 41, lives in a flat with carer support, my health is now too poor for me to care for him longer than a weekend.
How we feel is unique to us and we should be allowed. To think and feel how we want too. And not be judged by others. Who are not in in the same place as us. You just need to find like minded people. And here you are in the right place.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/health/looking-after-your-health/guilt-and-resentment
Sharing how we feel help enormously!!
Caring for some is like suffering from a bereavement. Once we understand it’s OK to feel the way we do.
Hello Rose
Welcome to the Forum.
Caring is very hard and often the person we care for can be challenging. So I think your feelings are natural. Many of us struggle at times and that is nothing to feel guilty about.
Hi Rose,
I bet you those carers at the group have difficult days - they were probably just putting on a front rather like when folk say ‘how are you?’ but don’t really want to know …
Caring is TOUGH. On good days you think you can carry on doing it forever, on bad days you just want the get out clause.
Have you read The Selfish Pig’s Guide to Caring by Hugh Marriott? It’s well worth it, don’t be put off by the title.
Melly1
Thank you for your kind and supportive words. The book looks useful so I’ll get hold of that.
Today is just one of those dayswhen I’ve done something to upset her - don’t know what but it’s enough for her to give me the cold shoulder and not talk to me other than the can you do this or get me that etc so frustrating ! Ah well tomorrow is another day.
Rose,
sounds frustrating. It’s hard not to let their mood drag you down too.
Have you see this thread https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support-and-advice/carers-health-issues/positive-ways-to-cope-with-low-mood-12505 might have an idea to help raise your spirits until bedtime.
Melly1
Hi Rose
Welcome to the forum… i must admit to sometimes feeling that I have been cheated too especially on a bad day.
Cheated out of being able to choose how I live my life.
Melly describes it perfectly… sometimes I feel things are brilliant and I can carry on forever…other days the reality hits and I just know that is not possible.
Unless the person you care for has dementia (then cannot understand) then I feel they should not take their illness out on the carer. The care needs you to care for them, they cannot force you to care! Maybe a gentle reminder of this? As a carer, I know that tiredness is my biggest enemy. It’s OK to just take some time for yourself when you are shattered. Just because your career wants something doesn’t always have to mean you have to do it immediately. I found the faster I did the jobs the faster they were invented!!!