Hi, I’ve touched on this on another post but I am still faced with the following problem and would appreciate any advice or ideas.
My son (with ASD & depression) needs me to attend his graduation in two weeks and I want to go - I must go. This involves me travelling with him to another city, staying overnight, and returning the next afternoon.
My mother is still receiving enablement after discharge. I am her sole carer. Her mobility is much improved but she has this new incontinence at night issue. She has one call a day - variable times but they always arrive after she needs her new urine incontinence pull up seen to in the morning. They never come last thing at night of course. I give her a night pullup last thing, which is always full the next morning.
She has no night time needs. She doesn’t wander or have sleep issues.
She needs/wants someone here andr not to be alone. Even if they are in another room all evening. That is because she is frightened of being alone in her house after dark and overnight. During the day she is ok once she’s washed and dressed. This is not irrational. My parents were burgled 13 times.
She would be ok having salad twice as long as the fridge was full. She can get her own breakfast. But the EO who calls in the am would have to make sure she took her meds in the morning. They never ask at the moment because I am here.
All I can think of is the following options:
She stays by herself the previous daytime and overnight and tries to cope, and lets in the EO in the morning. No key safe.
She goes into a care home for a couple of days if I can find one but they are such an expense. Also I may be charged for a week which in my local home’s case is £1800! Plus admin, etc.
Someone comes here just to stay the night, but I have nobody/no relatives who can do that. She doesn’t need an ‘overnight’ carer service - they wouldn’t be doing anything except be a physical presence - and she would be more nervous of a stranger anyway because she wouldn’t remember who they were first thing in the morning. The costs for that seem extraordinary - for someone just to sit or sleep and do pretty much nothing. 4. ??? Any more ideas?
I’m going around in circles in my head whilst trying to ease my son’s anxiety, my own anxiety and stress. It’s mid week as well which may be a problem for some people.
Hi
What about getting a wheelchair if she needs one and travelling with your mum and staying in premier inn or something like that, if you are a registered carer you might get a discount, you could leave her for the shorter time of the ceremony or take her to the ceremony as well.
Sorry if this is a hopeless idea
Hope you find an answer
Warm wishes Ula
Just remembered that St. John’s ambulance might be able to help. Long, long ago I remember someone in a similar situation having an escort for their elderly relative when going to a wedding.
Thank you all for your replies. Sorry for the delay. Full on since return. What I did in the end was take a risk. I, together with Enablement OT, organised that my mum got an extra call in the evening as late as possible (for them that is 8pm). I bought a camera for the kitchen so I could see my mum and talk to her, plus it records online so I could also check back. Then I arranged for the EO to call me first when she arrived and then I would speak to my mum through the camera or Alexa to get her to open the door for the ‘carer’. Fortunately the EO was a good one and followed the instructions to the letter.
I checked in again at midnight through the camera and she was in the kitchen with TV on. I had to hope the night would be ok. Next day another EO came to house at arranged time of 9.30. I left notes everywhere and bought two extra whiteboards for downstairs and upstairs.
Somehow it worked but that was in the main because the EOs followed the instructions properly and arrived when they were supposed to. One hiccup though - a ‘carer’ arrived first who wasn’t supposed to go to my mum’s address - she’d made a mistake and my mum let her in. Then the right one arrived about 5 minutes later and sent the first one away!
So, she survived, but was very anxious - hence staying in the kitchen with TV up loud and all the lights on.
It’s a step forward though which is good. But it also shows how much relatives have to be in charge and organise everything even though someone is arriving and doing the ‘hands on’.