Hi
I hope someone can advise me?
My mum has been declining over the last months, mostly with confusion. We have just had the diagnosis of mixed dementia which was a huge shock. I thought she was just getting old.
I’m due to get married in September and I know now she couldn’t stay overnight in a hotel as it would be too confusing. I’d still love her to be with me, if just for a few hours in the daytime. I don’t want to put the responsibility and stress on my sisters, it wouldn’t be much fun for them.
I wondered if you can get a Carer for the day, who could be mum’s +1, help her move around and keep her safe.
Does anyone have advice? We have just had an assessment my social services and mum has been evaluated for a daily visit but the care company isn’t in place yet and looking on their website it doesn’t mention providing support outside the home.
Just want mum to be safe and happy, and she’d be devastated not to be there.
Thanks anyone who takes the time to read and/or reply
Thanks to those who replied. We have POA in hand and I realise from her up and down over the last 4 months it could turn out to be irrelevant. I only want what’s best for mum and my sisters, none of whom at this time would consider not being there but as you all say, if as we get closer it’s not right for mum I’d not put her through the anxiety. I just wanted to ask if there was an option for a Carer. I’ll wait for the new organisation to settle in, and then ask them.
Many thanks again for taking the time. It’s an emotional subject and I appreciate your advice x
Contact the care company mum will be using for her usual care and ask them to provide carers, which mum can pay for.
Mum will now be EXEMPT from Council Tax and probably be entitled to Attendance Allowance if she is over 65? Do you have power of attorney sorted? There might just be time if you haven’t. This is more important to sort out than your wedding!
Hello Christina
First of all congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.
Now for my take on things.
My lovely late husband had vascular dementia amongst other issues. He had stable quite lucid time, and then could have a large decline. By September your mum, MAY be too confused to cope with a wedding. I understand very much that you want her to be with you on such a special occasion, but please be prepared that it may not be in her best interests. This doesn’t mean don’t find out about a one to one carer for the day. Just be aware.Taking the photographs to show her later would be an option. I do not wish to be a spoil sport, far from it.
Bowlingbun is a very practical wise member of the forum, and I agree, re power of attorney speedily ( if you haven’t already). I had to go down the court of protection route, and it is much more intrusive and costly. I week hubby was ok about power of attorney, the next he had no idea what was being spoken about.
Congratulations on the wedding. As much as you may want her there, ask yourself this question. Do you really want her ruining your special day? If the answer is no then you must make alternative arrangements for her. Take some photos to show her later on instead.
Also find out about the legal stuff too. A lawyer can help you with that.
So much depends on his badly affected mum is? Does she know who you are, understand celebrations like birthdays still?
Was she always sociable, will she recognise family members?
You don’t want to upset her, or for her to ruin your day. Is there a trusted family member who could support a paid carer? Such a tough decision.