Hello. I’m new to the website and forum so don’t know how it all works,so please bear with me! I’m a bit frustrated atm because my Mum,who I care for,has for the last 2/3 months been sleeping longer than usual. She’s always gone to bed late,2-3 am but used to get up at 12 noon. This allowed us to get out and shop,or whatever. However now it’s getting to be 3,4 and even 5 o’clock,so the chances of me doing things like shopping,cleaning,gardening etc have dramatically reduced and the things that have to be done have now to be done in a shorter timeframe. I’ve not mentioned anything to anyone before. I’m just a bit fed up! Ah well that’s it I suppose. Nice to have an opportunity to get it out of my system. If anyone is listening and would like to reply,I’d be very grateful. Thanks, Peter.

I think I’d need a bit more detail to think of ways to help, (and it might help someone else to come up with something).

What care does your mother need?

When do you do the shopping if she’s in bed from 2:00 am - 12 noon?

What is now 3,4 and even 5 o’clock? Is that p.m. and when she gets up now?

The worst part of caring for any carer is adapting their life around the caree’s … the other way around does not work ,
especially for lone carers … also a case of bringing the outside world into you … eg. Internet shopping ?

If caring alone , any additional support ?

Upto date Needs and Carer assessments done though your LA ?

As for the sleeping angle , one for your local gp … a sign of anything else ?

Hi Chris. Thanks for your reply. I’m still getting used to the layout of the forum to be honest! I’m a sole Carer and up to now have not felt the need to ask for further help,things have been going ok. This has started happening these last couple of months so if it continues I will need to do something,like get a Carers review.
Trouble is,getting my Mum to see the GP is tricky as she’s had a life of seeing doctors etc and hates it! There’s a way around all things but this one has got to me. Anyway thanks for taking the time to respond! Peter.

Your welcome.

Do as I did some 20 odd years ago … invite local quack round for tea … so to speak ?

As a former , lone , 24 / 7 ( Less sleep in deference to the Ruling in the recent Sleepover case ) , I appreciate your predicament.

In essence , you have now become the parent … a true role reversal … despite what your unruly child might say ?

Outside help v. male pride ?

Only one winner there … we males need to swallow it even if it chokes us !

Hi Peter,
I’m not quite clear. Are you saying Mum doesn’t go to bed till 3 to 5am or doesn’t get up till 3 to 5 pm?
Sounds like her sleep patterns are all out of kilter, but that’s normal for her? Are you ruled by these times, in that your sleep pattern is subject to hers or are you saying that you take her shopping etc so now have to wait much later until she’s up and active?
Are you at work during the day at all?
If you are up and about in the morning then perhaps get the shopping etc done then? If Mum is asleep for most of the day I’m not understanding why you can’t do everything you want to do while she is in bed. Do you have to be in attendance while she sleeps? Does Mum need help getting to bed in the early hours?
How old are you both by the way? What is wrong with Mum that she needs your care? Something more than natural ageing?
As people get older they do tend to sleep for longer. My dad, when he was in his 80s would usually have at least 12 hours sleep at night, plus an afternoon snooze. I myself find that I don’t get out of bed so easily these days yet I have friends older than myself who are up and active hours before I’ve even opened my eyes.
I’ve never lived with anyone who worked shifts but maybe someone on here will have advice as to how to adjust sleep patterns. Slowly maybe? Wake Mum up at a certain time each day and insist on a reasonable bed time? Would that work for you?

Sleep patterns … lone carers ?
( Several immediate neighbours are night shift workers … when work is available … really does change their health
… a feeling of a zombie state at times ( So I’m told ) … especially when tasks can only be carried out during the day
… their " Night " time … weekly Tesco shopping deliveries … I take them in , they call for them later … doctor /
hospital appointments in the middle of the night for them … simple things like that. )

If sleeping when one’s caree does … went through myself with that … normal patterns tend to be shot to pieces.

Only real remedy is to concentrate on the caree … and , seek a remedy IF a remedy is possible !

Yep … can confirm the amount of sleep as one’s parent ages … 10 / 12 hours … even if done in shifts so to speak.

A difficult situation for any lone carer if there is no natural remedy … and the change in sleeping pattern is a harbinger for
something else … hence my recommendation to seek one’s gp’s view.

Hi Chris. Only just replied as Mum got up and so I’ve been getting her sorted etc! I think you’re right,the GP might be the best route,i’ll see how things go. Your point about the Carer being the parent is a good one. The only problem I find,is that the older person has their own set ways and it’s hard to get them to view things differently as things have changed! Thanks for confirming older people sleep longer. That’s a bit of a relief,although of course there’s always the nagging thought there might be an underlying issue,which I don’t want to think about! But a chat with the GP might be the best thing to do. Anyway Chris thanks for your help today,have a good night.

Your welcome.

A parent fixed in their ways … where have all of us seen that before ?

Like an neverending obstacle course ?

Let us know how things pan out.

You’ll never know when we are needed next.

And … almost certainly … there will be a next time.

( Good night ? If my adopted failures , HUll KR , avoid defeat by 20 points or less at the Leeds Rhinos , the makings of one. )


It might help if you considered where mum would be if you didn’t exist, or lived so far away that you couldn’t help. She is incredibly LUCKY to have your help and support, even if she doesn’t realise it.
To me, her sleep pattern is bizarre.
How old is mum? Does she need help with her personal care? Can she hold a conversation?

Hi there-thanks so much for replying! Thanks also for your thought-provoking words. Yes,you’re right. My Mum could be worse off,which is something I regularly consider-things could be much worse,there are people in worse predicaments!
So I paused typing as Mum was ready for bed. So I’ll get ready now too. Again,thanks for taking the time to reply. Have a good weekend!