Hi - I’m new here. I am a carer for my husband who has multiple health issues but COPD is the main one. I’ve recently got some support from the Frailty Team after an anxious year of making decisions about calling an ambulance - giving extra medication etc and not knowing if I’m making the right decision or not. I don’t want to pass on my anxiety to breathless hub so pretend I’m confident even when I’m not! Glad to be here and hopefully to share caring experiences, frustrations and concerns with others.
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Welcome to the community, KayCopd. It’s quite the active bunch, especially on the monthly RollCall posts.
Good to know you’re getting some support. There are plenty here who will offer guidance and advice. Use what you can and leave the rest. All my best! Jean
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@KayCopd Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you’ve found us. Feel free to share as little or as much as you want.
I hear you. We can be thrust into situations where we’re expected to do things and know the answers - but how the heck are we meant to know with no medical training. 2025 must have been a lot of anxiety for you, so I’m glad the Frailty Team is supporting you. But here you’ll definitely get a lot of thoughts and reflections from us, a big diversity of experiences and characters.
Don’t worry, you’ll soon find that we’re a really empathetic, supportive group. Check out Roll Call, like Jean @tootsie suggested by clicking this link: https://forum.carersuk.org/t/roll-call-december-2025/127939?u=victoria_1806 It can become a lot of messages over one day so if it gets a little confusing and you want to catch the main gist of things click the summary button (the icon on the far right of Roll call) that looks like a star/sparkle.
If you don’t mind asking:
- do you have family or friends supporting you, folks you can talk to and ask for help?
- Are you working during the day or full time caring for your husband?
- Have you done a needs assessment and are you getting support to claim the main benefits like attendance allowance, carers allowance?
I helped my Mum care for my Dad after a nightmare hospitalisation in 2015, to his passing in 2020 and now care for my Mum who was diagnosed with 2 different cancers in 2019. 2020 was surgeries, recovery, chemo and radiotherapy…and we drew some breath before the lung cancer regrew in 2021…We’re in calmer waters now. 2020 was still much easier than the 5 previous years as Dad had heart failure and many other conditions including bladder cancer - the heart failure was the main one that was destabilised by everything else.
I resigned from my full time job in Belgium to return to the UK and help my parents. I work a little for my own company on the side but mainly I care for Mum
I look forward to hearing more about you. Feel free to ask us any questions that are on your mind - there’s always someone on the forum - lots of night owls 
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Hi @KayCopd welcome to the forum.
Glad you are getting some support from the frailty team - hope they can give you some guidance that will help.
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Welcome from me, too. I’ve been caring for my brain damaged son since he was born 46 years ago. All four of our parents were disabled for a long time. I have developed a lot of health issues. Now I’m 73 my son lives in a flat with carer support but there is a never ending list of things to sort out. sewing, especially making my own clothes has always been my only real hobby. Since I was widowed 19 years ago I even take my machines away with me on holiday when I rent a cottage. However my sons and grandson spend a lot of their spare time tinkering with old machinery, steam engines, tractors and Land Rovers!
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Hi, thank you for the welcome. Hub had a heart attack 9 years ago. A week after he retired which is quite common so I’m told. He was diagnosed with copd 7 years ago but it is just the last few years that this has become debilitating for him. He also had a lung cancer diagnosed 2 years ago and had radiotherapy treatment which has gone well.
I semi retired in September, still doing one day a week until my employers find a replacement for me - fingers crossed that January will be my last month. (Hub is 77, I’m 66) We’ve been getting full attendance allowance since his cancer diagnosis, I’ve never qualified for carers allowance.
I have support from family, mainly in just having someone to grumble to although I try to keep this to a minimum as I even get sick of my own grumbles. My mum would help in a flash, but is 93 and lives 50 miles away - a bit of a trek on her mobility scooter 
I will admit that I often pop out and have a good old swearing session in the car - then come back in and say “can I get you anything sweetie?” It helps!
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Morning @KayCopd
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry to hear your husband suffered a heart attack just after he retired, and then COPD. I’m glad the radiotherapy has gone well. It’s a lot to have to navigate when you were both thinking he’d be taking it easier.
Good for you getting sorted with the attendance allowance. Maggies is a great support they helped us a lot, as well as Macmillan. Just in case you need the links:
Your Mum sounds on good form!
Good for you, giving yourself the space to let it all out - yup totally get that. When we were caring for Dad I needed to walk out the room many times. Punched a few pillows totally flat, let it out and came back - the frustrations get overwhelming.
Feel free to vent as much as you want here, we do dark humour and silly jokes all the time….or share some chat on Roll call, we share all sorts there.
Take care xo
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