New member caring for daughter who has own flat & now carer to husband too

Hello everyone I have just found this site and joined, I am a 63yr old carer for my disabled daughter who is 34, she lives in her own flat with the help of carers though all the day to day admin, appointments and errands and budgeting is done with my support she has complex physical and mental health needs and more recently I have also become carer to my husband who has been diagnosed with cardiac and respiratory issues.- It is nice to find a place where there are others walking the same mile, I shall look around the site and learn how everything works, but very glad to be here !


Welcome to the group, hope you find it some use of the four as we are many voices than just one voice in the darkness.


Welcome Seagal - we are a friendly group. You do seem to have a lot of responsibility . I do hope you can make some time for yourself? I realise how very hard it is to carve out a life for yourself.


thankyou very much !

Welcome!! I’m glad you found us and especially the Roll Call - the mutual appreciation, over the fence neighbourly support hub

You’ll find lots of support here, so feel free to ask, share to whatever level and detail feels comfortable for you. We each have our unique, path and situation.

If you have any specific questions or simply need to vent - let us know.
One of our forum gurus may split your post so that others can more easily see you’ve just joined & so others can more easily welcome you aboard…

FYI my situation - I used to look after my Dad who had a myriad of health issues incl congestive heart failure, rhuematoid arthritis, bladder cancer, aortic aneuryims and other issues like kidney and liver failure due to his meds…then Mum was diagnosed with 2 different primary cancers, then Dad passed so 2020 was a year of chemo, radiotherapy, probate and hunkering down in our little bubble, relieved that dad was relieased from his pain & debilitated body. So, lots of challenges, like each of us have experienced.
We’re here in empathy

Thank you Helena, well that is the bit I am working on, trying to find some time for me, it is a work in progress, I actually used to work as a support worker, talk about a bus-man’s holiday but I stopped work in Jan of 2020. I know I must make some time for myself but to be honest every single minute of every single day I am with either my daughter or my husband, I am trying hard to plan how to change that dynamic :slight_smile: thank you for making me feel so welcom.


Welcome, my son is 44, brain damaged, lives alone in a privately rented flat with carer support. It’s a lovely cosy flat on the edge of the New Forest but his carers won’t support him to do the things he want, instead of going for a walk in the Forest they go for a walk round the centre of Bournemouth! We own a range of steam engines, just back from a rally tonight, he had a great time, especially driving the engine across the field at the end of the show (elder brother also on the footplate) but if we don’t take him, he doesn’t go to any shows. Beyond frustrating!

Copied and pasted from Roll Call


Welcome Seagal1960 ! :slight_smile:
Im also quite new , it took me aaaggges to pluck up the courage to write anything .
Im a carer for my husband. I hope you find this site a comfort, a place of safety and comradeship , and a place of information, as i am finding it to be.
Welcome aboard :wink:


For a week, write down everything you do for your daughter, and the time it takes. Phone calls, shopping, admin, practical stuff too. All these jobs should be on her Needs Assessment? When was her assessment last updated? Within the last year? Has your husband also had a Needs Assessment? When was your Carers Assessment last done? Does it reflect the fact that you are now a multiple carer? What do you like doing most that is now impossible? What do you struggle with most? Don’t fall into the trap of now trying to do everything your husband used to do. I know it’s hard but some jobs have to be dropped or done by someone else. We created a beautiful garden but after my husband died and I was disabled my eldest son and I gradually did away with all the shrubs and borders. Now a quick whizz round with the mower, job done. Do you have a tumble dryer? Dishwasher?


Welcome seagull
My husband and I care for our adult daughter with schizophrenia who lives in her own flat.
This forum has helped me to feel valued.


Dear Seagal1960. Hi my name is Kristie and I am an online community host volunteer for Carers UK. Welcome to the forum! You are not alone on this forum and I am sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and will offer you the support that you need. I hope the forum will be beneficial, supportive, helpful and informative for you. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running two online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at:- Care for a Cuppa:-Online meetups | Carers UK. There is a second online meetup which comes to Carers Scotland just click on the next circle to the left where it says Carers UK and this is called Share and Learn:- Share and Learn | Carers Scotland.
Our telephone number is 0808 888 7777 and is open to ring from Monday to Friday 9am-6pm and our email address is (
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits and Financial Support
-Your rights as a carer in the workplace
-Carers assessments and how to get support in your caring role
-Services available to carers and the people you care for
-How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.
Best Wishes