Feeling the strain after a fairly recent change in circumsta

Hi all, I’m a newbie so I’ll start with a bit about myself. I’m my Mums only living child so the pressure was always going to land on me but after a fall at the end of last year and over a months stay in hospital (she has Parkinson’s and a recent diagnosis of dementia and countless other life threatening conditions) things have escalated rapidly, they was ready to send her home to her own house, where I knew she wasn’t possibly going to manage so we made the decision to have her live with me. My girls are both adults and there’s plenty space for her to be on one level downstairs but since she’s moved in my mental health has gone haywire and my GP said I’m on my highest possible dose and my mental health will not improve til I get help with social care, which my mum has always refused. I asked twice for a care assessment and was actually laughed at by the first nurse I asked and the second was the OT on the day after I’d taken her home. After repeating the question twice was then told she’d never heard of it before? Now not even 6 months down the line I’m totally regretting moving her in and it’s taken my bipolar back to where I was 15 years ago. Not only is she not understanding to my needs too she genuinely doesn’t care :frowning: the OT 3 weeks ago finally seen the stress in me and asked where I was getting help and when I said I wasn’t has got all kinds of things in motion for me now but I actually still feel broken, beaten and even resentful towards my mum now because my childhood wasn’t a good one and believe me if there’s anyone to thank for raising me it wasn’t her and the more she just ignores me and treats me like something she stood in accidentally is grating on me so severely. Where do I get help? Why did I have to get to this stage?

Hello Lesley. Quite simply, your mum needs to be in a care home, where she will be under the constant care of staff trained to deal with conditions like this. You need to give your own health a chance; the more you let it deteriorate the less help you will be to her or anyone else.

I presume mum’s house is now unoccupied and you do not have a relative with an interest in it, so it should be sold, to help fund the cost of the care home.

Have you considered power of attorney? You consult a solicitor and discuss and arrange this, so that you can manage mum’s finances.

No doubt there will be some resistance from mum, but you will need to be firm. Talk to your GP about her condition as well as yours; it is relevant. Surgery staff often have helpful advice to offer about social help and related matters.

Don’t feel guilty about curtailing your direct personal care for mum. A care home is the best place for her. She probably won’t appreciate the change but should settle in.

If a care home placement in on the cards , AGE UK … a bible for all you need to know :

Care homes | Information and Advice | Age UK

Everything from A to Z … including a kitchen sink.

Hi Lesley
Dont beat yourself up over what was normal knee jerk reaction that many of us would make in the circumstances.
From here you will get the information you needed then

Unfortunalty it sounds like your pleas for help were to the wrong people. Nurses and OT tend to be NHS staff where care at home is under Social services. You need to contact social servicesto get care assessment for Mum and carersassessment for you, but both will be a fight. Can your GP support you with a letter about your health?

What is the situation with Mums property, is it still available? Does she have savings over £23250.

Her mix of illnesses makes it very unlikely that she can be cared for any one person, she needs a team, whether she wants it or not. Paid carers coming in is one option, as is full time residential care

I have to go out now, others will be along with more info and support

Mmmm … a few more links which will be of assistance here :

Needs assessment :

Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

Carers assessment :

Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ( Possibly in the frame ? ) :