I’ve asked for a Needs and Carer’s Assessment. My mum can answer the door but she has cataracts in both eyes (will be having surgery next month) and also has a herniated spine and sciatica so moved slowly. Both parents don’t want the carers to have access to the house via a key in the safelock. I personally don’t trust the carers enough with a key to the house.
My parents own their home.
It’s good that they own their own home.They might not want a key safe, but that means that they want you on duty 24/7!
If dad has cognitive issues, then it’s down to mum when you are out, and you must go out for the sake of your own physical and mental health, and that of your baby. I loved taking my babies for walks when they were little, and it’s a good way of getting the figure back too.
Does mum tend to sit in the same place all the time in a way that she could see or hear someone coming to the front door? The OT might be able to arrange an electric button system for the door, but mum has to be realistic about the options left.
As I said before, they are not thinking about the impact of their decisions on you and your baby.
A Carers Assessment would enable you to raise issues like this with the assessor, and they might fit an electric system to help you in your caring role, but I can’t promise at all.
We have a video door intercom in the house which my parents installed when I was little. We have lots of stairs in our house so it can be an issue for her opening the door.
In that case, then mum needs to start using it and tell people to wait until she gets to the door.
Of course it’s easier for you to do everything, but that is not what a daughter is for.
Keep thinking about what they would have to do, to manage, if you were ill or away on holiday.
They have to be as independent as possible.
Regular visitors like carers will know and understand the need to be patient.
(I know what it is like to be disabled by the way, I was nearly killed in a car accident and was in constant pain from my damaged knees for years until I had replacements) but I still had a brain damaged son and a housebound mum living elsewhere to keep an eye on and support.
Being in the house 24/7 is not good, I have been there more than once and not to do with lockdown. you need to go outside even if it out in the garden or just a few doors down and back. I don’t know where you live but don’t want to ask something so personal but if where you live there is a carers centre in your area, get in touch with them, and say you need help and ask them to make a house call. if the service of the carers coming in are no good refuse them to come in as you still have the right to refuse entry to them. Only the police have certain rights about entry to the place as well as the other emergency services. see if family or friends can help you, i know it a big leap but if you don’t ask they might not come to help until its to late. also does your area have a local community person who works for the council but also helps a bit like a social worker? I have one that helps me as well as the carers centre. If you don’t think your dad is safe or well enough to stay home, speak to the gps and tell them the situation or if that fails call the ambulance service out for them to make assessment. DON’T BE AFRAID TO MAKE A STAND OR STAND UP TO SOME OF THESE PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL SMALL. THEY ARE ONLY BULLIES AND VERY RARE HAVE THEY WORKED BOTH SIDES. keep in touch.
Update on my situation. I stupidly picked up my dad after finding him on the floor in the early hours of the morning last week. I was half asleep and just impulsively did it. I know I should have called emergency services and if it happens again, I’ll call them.
The SW came over last week to see us. SW said that the Director of Adult SS has seen my complaint. SW spoke to my dad in his room. My dad confirmed how much help I give him and also that the carers do his personal care. My dad has not improved in relation to his mobility. He is still bedridden.
The SW spoke to my mum and and I separately. I told him that I can’t cope with this situation. He asked if he could offer with more help in the home. I refused and said given the fall, I think he needs to go to a residential home. The SW said that he would get back to me regarding our discussion. The NHS reablement ends today and they’ve not said what even happens tomorrow. I’m assuming that they will extend it. Is that what they do?
I am so drained. I honestly would just leave would my baby if I had the financial means. I’m so worried about my mental health.
We all have a breaking point, it is our body’s way of saying we have done too much for too long.
Did you tell the SW you are worried about your mental health?
It’s dreadful that they’ve nothing sorted out already for when the care finishes.
Keep in touch.
I told the SW that I am worried about my mental health. I also couldn’t help crying in front of him. I told him I just can’t care for my dad. I said the discharge was unsafe and they failed to consider the environment that my dad would return to.
I told the SW that I felt like a prisoner. The care agency send the carers over when they feel like. Sometimes he only has 1 carer, even though he is supposed to have a double handed care package. I also mentioned that he is stuck in bed and rarely moves. I believe the carers clean him lying down. He has Parkinsons and is rushed. They are very slap dash.
I feel you, I’m in a very similar situation bar my mums still young, dad has health issues. No matter who you complain to or what you do its never enough. The SW dose not give a crap, asked for her to be removed she’s still there. carers are soo lazy if they know someones their to do it all and they look for ways to get out of stuff. Im not so sure about clapping for carers as opposed to arresting them and the thieving owners and cheering and clapping about that.
@ Jamie. I agree…definitely would not clap for my dad’s carers. The agency is so dodgy. They’re claiming the costs of a double handed care package from the NHS and not providing the service. They should not be sending just 1 carer. The carers are supposed to do 45 mins in the morning. They spend between 10-15 mins instead. The carers are supposed to do a further 3 sessions of 30 mins but only spend about 6 mins (if we are lucky). I keep complaining but nothing changes.
My dad is suffering from a bit of delirium so he tends to try and get out of his bed at night. There are stairs in our house and I’m worried that somehow he might manage to leave the room and if he does, he would definitely fall down the stairs.
I definitely cannot cope. The reablement has ended. My dad is lying in bed. He hasn’t been changed since yesterday 7pm. SS did not tell us they would not be continuing providing services. I called the SW and the agency. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my father. Does anyone know what I should do?
Hi Alisha,
If he hasn’t been changed since 7pm he is going to start getting very sore.
Your area should have a Rapid Response Assessment Service/ Early Intervention Team or similar that can come out and support and then arrange for care to be in place. The GP or social worker should be able to refer you.
Ring everybody you can and follow up with email. Contact the council safeguarding team, GP, district nurses and the Enablement Team (who shouldn’t have stopped sending care until a follow up package was organised.)
Also contact the director of adult social care.
Melly1
This is terrible. Take a deep breath, hang on in there, and then
Ring 111. Explain the situation, and say dad needs an ambulance to take him to hospital or Emergency Reablement.
As soon as dad is sorted, ring the Complaints Officer at Social Services HQ and make an immediate complaint.
This is a complete nightmare. 111 said they can’t do anything. The said I can either call the agency or call my GP to request a home visit. They told me to call back if my dad starts developing symptoms. I sent a message to my dad’s GP via their online consultation service and received no response. I called the SW again and she said she’s emailed someone and told me she had to get off the phone because she has a meeting. I will definitely complain again.
Thank you for your advice@ Melly and Bowling bun.
What a horrible day
Hello Alisha
I just wanted to reply to this specific post because you have shared that your dad is without care, which must be extremely upsetting and difficult for all of you.
You have followed all the right steps, complained and requested assessments which should have been arranged pre-discharge, so I just wanted to make a couple of suggestions if you feel able to do more chasing.
Firstly, the Local Authority have a duty of care towards your father, and when the reablement period ended they should have either had a care package in place or extended that period to allow for arrangements to be made.
Secondly, their failure to provide basic care when they have been made aware of his needs is an act of neglect by omission and arguably constitutes abuse.
I would suggest that you contact the duty team, saying you wish to raise a Safeguarding Alert as your father is without care and you consider the Local Authority to be committing abuse by their neglect of his needs.
So sorry that you are going through this, and it may help you to see our guide on making a complaint, which has lots of useful information.
All best wishes
Aaron
Thank you Aaron.
I have called repeatedly and emailed. Social services told me to contact his key worker. I called and emailed but haven’t been able to reach him. After reading your post, I sent a further email where I have raised a Safeguarding alert. This is such an awful situation. I have a baby and really feel so let down by social services. My mother can’t do my dads personal care. My dad is just lying there and we can do nothing for him.
Thank you all for your advice. I can’t express how grateful I am for your support Aaron, Melly and Bowling Bun.
I spoke to the Agency and they agreed that my father’s discharge was an safe one. They said they would have refused the double handed care if they knew that he did not have a hospital bed and other equipment (he shares his room and bed with my mum). They told me that they emailed the SW and asked them to send an OT to our address. They said this should have been done prior to his discharge. Anyhow, the agency sent carers about 30 mins ago. They didn’t wash him but just changed his clothes and incontinence pads.
The SW/SS haven’t said how long we will be getting this service. I really am fed up.
I have been following this thread and I am truly sorry you and your parents are going through this. Surely the GP Surgery has a ‘duty of care’ to your family? I had to say to my late Father’s GP that I would be writing to a solicitor to get the help he needed - was very hard to do this but I was at the end of my tether trying to get help.
This comes over as gross negligence. I can only suggest you email your MP and the very threat of this may make Social Services and your GP actually do something. They will be very worried about a story like this hitting the mainstream media…
Hello Helena. I am a lot calmer today. I thought I was going to have a heart attack or stroke when everything was going on.
My dad’s GP and SW (his actual keyworker) and LA have still have not contacted me. If I didn’t have the SW’s , who dealt with my dad’s hospital discharge, mobile number, I doubt my dad would have got carers yesterday. She had to send an email to the agency agreeing to extend my dad’s care, Even though that particular SW isn’t the nicest person, I appreciate what she did. I am more shocked that my dad’s actual keyworker is unreachable. He should have known the end date of my dad’s reablement. His out of office message directs to the general Adult Services email and telephone number. I emailed them but heard nothing. I telephoned their number and was told only the key worker could assist me.
So, if I hadn’t had that other SW’s number, I would have had to wait until my dad got ill to get help.
I am still going through hell.
I raised a Safeguarding Alert last month and SS have still not been in touch. I have made complaints and nothing is happening.
Today the physio came over to assess my dad again because he is worried about the amount of time my dad sends lying in bed… My dad has Parkinson’s and possibly Dementia but even the neurologist is unsure why.
The physio then went on about my dad’s needs and how we should create more space for him by de-cluttering my parents room or finding somewhere in the house where he can have a micro environment, like our sitting room. The house is so small and given the limited space in my bedroom, I take my baby into sitting room to play and walk around and I don’t want my baby around lots of strangers. Because I said no, he said he wants to raise a Safeguarding Alert because my dad is elderly and his needs aren’t being met at home. I told him to just raise it and he started backpeddling and asked us to have more conversations about what we can do to compromise. The physio even asked me why I don’t want strangers around my baby.
I don’t get why my dad only makes an effort to get out of bed when physio come over. He doesn’t do any exercises between sessions. He’s now suffering from hallucinations most days so it’s hard to even discuss things. There is absolutely no physical reason why my dad cannot get out of bed (his pressure sore has completely healed).
I’m actually confused right now because I’ve been doing absolutely everything to assist my dad, outside of his personal care. I love my dad but I’m fed up. My mum doesn’t want him home anymore as she cannot deal with him and has her own health issues.
I have been throw into the deep end. I don’t know how long my dad’s Discharge to Assess care package will continue. just want to leave (I have absolutely no money so unable to go). I wish I was never involved with my dad’s care now.