Three months ago, my world turned, up side down, when my long, life, husband, fell ill with heart problems.
I started on an emotional roller -coaster , that was going to be a long, heavy burden, that would continue for months.
although my husband would never be that burden ,because to me, I will always take care of him,
but it was the suffering time, of covid and social distancing that pained me so deeply,
and had caused the biggest problem that we were faced with.
this had left as feeling alone, and dis-connected from ,family and friends.
My daughter and I, was already, unwell,after battling a terrible time, with long covid,
and still today.feeling ,the end results, of that 8 months later.
We had a new grandchild, that I have not, had the time to see
my husbands salary had dropped ,so we were struggling,on half of his wages
for all the family, and to be honest, i don’t know how I got as all through it, carefully planning, every meal time.
what keeps us sane, when your strained, with so much responsibility, for someone that you love.
Living through lockdown- covid, it had felt that there was nothing to hold on to,
to keep me from sinking, emotionally, mentally and physically.
I felt the need to shout, but there was, no one listening, no more coffee breaks and a chatt with friends.
so I locked away the tears. and kept them for a rainy day.
There is so much guilt that comes with being a carer, thinking how did I let this happen,
what could I have done so differently, had I mistakenly ignored any warning signs .
we can’t do the things that we used to love doing together,
the things that the family enjoy as fun,
because he is filled with so much anger
that it stops life from happening.
and my head hurts from so much shouting at me, but he can’t help it.
I understand the feeling of loss and mourning, but he has NO RIGHT to take it out on you.
There’s nothing in the marriage vows that says this is acceptable. On the contrary, it’s to “love and cherish”. You are doing your bit. Maybe remind him of that, and arrange for him to have some counselling to dump the anger.
My life changed forever when a boyracer hit the car I was driving head on, 3 months to the day after I was widowed.
I didn’t shout or scream or lose my temper, what good would it do?
It’s not YOUR fault!