Fed up

Been caring for my Grandmother for almost a year now and I am tired of it. I need my own space sometimes ands I just don’t get it. She can never be left alone for really over 30 mins therefore it’s hard for me to get out of the house.

I’m 27 and Im tired all the time and I drink far too much alcohol and smoke, even though I keep trying to quit. Just before I started caring I had a relationship breakdown and this still makes me sad.

I suppose I am just venting really, there is nothing I can do, I can’t quit because otherwise I’ll be homeless, or in some disgusting shelter/hostel which will be invariably full of absolute scum bags (been to these places before).

I’m trying my best and my grandmother loves me being here I just am depressed and tired and I don’t know what to do.

Hi Joe.

Welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

A few observations.

A kinship carer !

Special thread which contains information for you in that role : https://www.carersuk.org/forum/news-and-campaigns/latest-caring-news/kinship-and-or-family-carers-guidance-news-articles-this-forum-supports-kinship-carers-cuk-does-not-31009?hilit=kinship

What outside care support does your grandmother receive ?

A guide … what’s available , and who provides it :


Needs and Carer Assessments … through your LA … upto date / in course … links to both follow :

The Care Needs Assessment Explained | Age UK

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

Your grandmother … what precisely is her health issue ?

Housing … what would YOUR position be if a move into a care home was the only option ?

( I assume your grandmother is a home owner … and NOT a tenant , either social or b.t.l. … that dreaded word SUCCESSION ? )

A Plan B in that eventuality ?

Benefits … including a potential Council Tax discount / disregard … all being claimed ???

An online benefits calculator for the full m.o.t. :

AGE UK … grandmother on their radar ?

Will / power of attorney … in place / course ?

The above will give you many things to ponder on.

In CarerLand , it pays to ACT as opposed to REACT … only you can change things … nobody on the outside will do that for you … at best , increased outside support.

Your best friend … that ugly , drawn , face that stares back at you … from the mirror ?

Others will be along to extend their welcomes.

Hi Joe, welcome to the forum. We should be able to make things a bit easier for you.
A few starter questions.
How old is Gran?
What is wrong with her?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings?
Why are your parents not caring for her?
Who owns the house where you are both living?
Is she claiming Attendance Allowance?

Hi Joe, I’m not surprised you’re fed up! It’s not much of a life for you.
Have you any other relatives helping with your gran? It would make a huge difference to you if you had some regular support from other family members.
But - whether you have support or not you can help yourself. It won’t be easy, Joe, but for your sake cut down on the smoking and alcohol. Also incorporate some exercise into your daily life. You don’t have to join the gym or even leave the house. You could buy some free weights or do press ups or look on the internet for some more ideas.
Does your gran own the house? It’s good that she appreciates your company.

Joe, we CAN help you make things so much better for you, but we need you to respond to our comments and questions.
If you go to the top left of the page, click where it says “Quick links” and you’ll find all sorts of information.

You must accept that YOU are the only one in the family who can sort this out, don’t wait for anyone to offer help because frankly, it ain’t gonna happen.

Sadly , Joe has not returned to the forum since the early afternoon of his initial posting … 28 December.

Potentially , some real problems brewing.