Can’t cope living with daughter in early twenties with BPD. Evicted, housing department at council just threw us under the bus by persuading us to take her back until meeting available. Guess what, she never went to meeting so we are now back living in hell with her again. So depressed. Anyone got any advice
Change the locks?
Hi Alison, I know little about BPD but I would like to help. Please tell us about the main problems your daughter is causing and whether you have any other childrenliving at home.
I have a lot of experience with housing, they are not very helpful.
Basically they would consider your daughter has a roof over her head and that it is it , nothing about your feelings or unsuitability.
By taking your daughter back in , it has eliminated her need for housing.
Try contacting your local Mental Health Trusts PALS, they might be able to help and advice.
Hello Rhona, problems at home include coming and going all hours of night, drugs/drink excess so we have to collect her from town/ hospital, no help or money contribution to home, all appointments made by me which if inconvenient, she just misses, and on and on. Have changed locks since she brought a “boyfriend” back.
I have another younger child at home.
So sorry to hear the problems. I thought it was just sons that caused that kind of trouble! When my son was 24 he dated a girl who kept stealing from us. My son and his girlfriend denied it of course, but we endrd up banning the girlfriend from our house and our son went to live with his (very ) elderly grandparents. It seemed a good idea at the time but if I could turn the clock back I would have kept my son at home (he is an alcoholic).
The only advice I can think of right now is for you and your partner/husband to be united in any decisions you make regarding your daughter.
Where does she get the money from for drinks and drugs?
You are not alone. They call this millenium generation the ‘snowflake generation’, as they have no backbone!.
Does she work?
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles.
My partner has BPD and his parents asked him to leave age 17. Obviously I’m not a parent but I do have some understanding of BPD from a personal and professional stance.
Most importantly, you have to take care of yourself. So hard to do, but you are super important.
I would recommend reading “Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” it has amazing guidance for parents, partners etc.
In terms of housing, accepting her back into the home means they will not provide her with any housing. Avoid speaking to housing and try and contact a mental health charity like Mind to get advice.
I would strongly recommend reading the book first just to get some clarity!
I hope I’ve been some what helpful
Hi Alison, did you manage to get things sorted out with your daughter? We have also been going through an identical situation to yours!
I have been in this situation twice now, its pure hell - I ended up moving myself out recently ( moved in with my partner)
Did you get anything sorted?