Wife (75) with Parkinson’s, dementia & bouts of delirium plus a few other problems. Was in a care home but had a fall last week and broke her hip. Successfull operation on Friday to fix it but she has rapidly gone downhill since then. Doctor had a word with me today and told us she hadn’t long left. We have to make a decision where we would like her to spend the rest of her days. At home with carers & family to help, Nursing home, Hospice. Got to think about myself & other family members also.
Any advice?
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Nursing home. Ask the doctor to arrange a FAST TRACK NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment. Should be arranged within 48 hours. Free care. It was a huge relief when mum went into a home for what turned out to be for a year. I was mum’s daughter again, no more jobs waiting for me, no more ambulance calls in the middle of the night, but most of all a nurse always on duty with pre agreed medication available. A morphine driver ready, and as I had POA the doctor knew pain relief was top priority, regardless of the consequences. Mum and I had a discussion long ago, and I’ve told my son he must do the same for me. After 40 years of pain, mum died peacefully in her sleep. The home was a mile away, we could visit whenever we wanted.
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@Noddir so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be a desperate time for you and the family. Do you have any idea of what your wife would have wanted? Did you ever get a chance to discuss it?
If not, I would agree with BB that a hospice or hospital would be best. If you bring her home for her final days, you will always have that image in your mind when you are at home. Knowing that your wife has 24 hour care in a setting away from home, so you can get snatches of sleep and prepare for what is to come is so important. Keep your strength up, sending hugs. 
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It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Make sure you weigh up what works for you and her.
Where is she now, and can she travel? Would she feel better staying where she is now? Would you feel better with nurses on tap? The hospice are probably the best place, but if she’s unable to travel to the hospice, the hospice nurses will travel to you if she’s at home. The hospice nurses know more about this than anyone as that’s what they deal with all the time. My husband was already in a nursing home but I had hospice input. He passed peacefully on a medicine driver with the nursing home looking after him. Consider what would be best for both you and her, and make sure you take what support you can. The hospice can be there for you afterwards too. Stay strong and lean on others when you need to
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Thanks for all the comments and advice re my wife’s care. Your help has been invaluable. She didn’t survive very long after the op unfortunately. Passed away last Wednesday in hospital. I was by her side.
Richard.
@Noddir So very sorry for your loss. You did the very best you could for your wife. Do keep in touch on here for support when you need it. Take care.
@Noddir
So very sorry to read your post. You obviously are a very caring person. No doubt are in shock even if expected. That’s a natural reaction.
Please keep in touch and take care of yourself.
@Noddir,
I’m sorry to hear your news. I hope you take comfort that your wife is now at peace and you were with her.
Sending hugs and cyber support. Remember we are here for you.
I know it’s a shock, but in the end it was probably for the best. My husband died suddenly, no warning, a terrible shock. Now we are glad he didn’t suffer.
@Noddir Sorry to hear this. You’re going to feel lost for quite a while. The important thing - this may sound strange - is to get yourself into a routine as quickly as possible. That will give your life a structure to hang everything else off. If you don’t it makes life feel so much more difficult and leads to severe depression.
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