| From staff events to partnerships, we have been marking Pride Month throughout this month. According to Carers UK research, you’re more likely to have caring responsibilities if you are part of the LGBTQ+ community. See our guide for information, guidance and support: A guide for LGBTQ+ carers: Getting support and knowing your rights |
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Hi Guys! To all LGBTQ plus carers, I hope you have had a great Pride month! I am in my 60s and I am a full time carer for my long time husband who has a chronic long term illness. I have been a carer this time for 5 years now and I value and appreciate the support that I get from other carers. However, I particularly miss the support of LGBTQ plus carers because we returned from being abroad when my husband fell ill to be close to his family, but our gay friends in the U.K had drifted away after many years. So I am looking for LGBTQ plus platonic friends who are interested in gardening, reading ( just finished Departures the final novel by Julian Barnes) and love of dogs and cats . I also enjoy discussing current affairs and creative writing. Victoria Wood fan too! Tell me about you and your life.
Best wishes,
Ned.
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Hi Ned
I was a carer for my husband, Graham, for four years after he suffered a stroke at New Year 2021. He died just before Christmas last year. He didn’t quite make his 70th. I am 65.
During the four years, many of our friends also drifted away and that left me feeling REALLY lonely. Had I not been caring 24/7 and not having much time to stop and think, that would have hurt even more.
We had our own business and I had to close that down suddenly when Graham took ill. That was a wrench. After he died, our GP told me I was killing myself through caring and he had been extremely worried about me. I would not have changed one second of those four years - other than to make G better. We had 29 years together, 18 married. I always told him I could not look him in the eye when I took my Vows as they meant so much to me and I meant them to the end, and still do. I said I would always care for him NO MATTER WHAT. Proud to say I kept my vows.
Anyway - I am trying to rebuild a solo life and sometimes find it bl**dy hard work. Thankfully I have a wonderful companion in Buster, our dog, who keeps me on the straight (well not exactly straight) and narrow! He gives me purpose.
Recently, some old friends have come out of the woodwork and it’s been a great joy to renew the friendships.
I love to read and am addicted to audiobooks of all genres as I can listen when driving, cooking or doing anything else. I’ve even been writing as well (gay romance…I intend to self-publish and want to get cracking with that). That all started when I was getting by on a few hours sleep each night and when I couldn’t settle I started typing instead! The stories just seemed to flow.
I used to love to cook but that dropped by the wayside as I was too exhausted, however, I am starting again. I have managed to get the small front garden looking good again this year and am beginning to get compliments which is encouraging. I love sitting on a bench watching the three families of sparrows who have nested in the eaves. That group has built up from one pair a few years ago. The back garden is a “work in progress” but I have help in the shape of a friend who has two weeks holiday from tomorrow and has agreed to help me with some muscle and sweat!!! (Half my age so he has more energy).
I can probably quote whole scenes from Victoria Wood sketches and saw her on stage in Bristol years ago. What a treat.
Over the years I have learned to fight for Graham in medical and other situations when he was unable to speak up for himself properly - usually through fatigue or being unable to focus on long in depth conversations. It can be extra difficult for same-sex partners! Mind you, in hospital I shocked staff by ‘mucking in’ when necessary as they didn’t expect family to help and particularly not a bloke! As I told two nurses “I clean and change him and the bed at home - what’s different here?” Suddenly the ward staff gave me more respect.
So there I am in a nutshell - if not a nutcase…
Just remember “The First Pride Event was a RIOT” !!
Hi Chris,
It’s lovely to have an update from you! Your care for, and devotion to Graham is inspirational. I am not sure where you get your energy from , I struggle with my own energy levels.
I am glad to hear that you have been able to re establish friendships with people who you did not see much when you were caring for Graham. I also have been touched by the kindness and empathy of the majority of people, even strangers.
I think we may not be rare as gay men who enjoy the comedy of Victoria Wood! I have not seen the recent film.
One of my two dogs died very suddenly last week and I miss him very much, so treasure Buster. Dogs are such great companions, especially when we feel low. I am sure Buster comes and helps you in the garden like my dogs did!
Take care, Chris.
Ned
Oh Ned - sorry to read about your dog. We lost our beloved Roco very suddenly three years ago - within 24 hrs he went from a bouncy lad to us saying goodbye. It was a nasty virus apparently. However, finding Buster 10 weeks later has saved me. As he is so calm we now go to visit as a Therapy Dog and he gets a great welcome every visit.
No idea where the energy came from - you just find hidden reserves, don’t you? I don’t think I am inspirational, it’s just what you do !
As for Buster “helping” in the garden - well he comes out to supervise and lies there while I do the work… He just wants to be near me at all times.
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