I have just joined here.
Due to a brain tumor followed by a hemmoragic stroke 3 years ago my wife has been left mentally impaired as well as physically. I would go to the ends of the earth to care and protect for my wife of 20+ years. However I also am so lonely and although I am able to work and mix with friends and colleagues I have no idea how to go about even trying to find a lady who understands the position I am in to have some kind of regular intimacy. I don’t just mean sex but I miss the affection my wife and I had in abundance as after 20 years we still used to have “dates” and go to shows or concerts etc. i now feel I am just existing day to day and at 50 I realise I have less years left than have passed and it gets me so depressed thinking I will continue to go through this daily grind alone forever.
Any help on this subject out there?
Thanks
Hi Wayne. I understand you’re in a difficult situation: I used to work at a carers centre and although this sort of issue was rarely discussed openly, it came up more than once, one way or another.
I always found that if any carer - male or female - in your sort of situation would use the social aspects of their local carers service to meet up with other carers and make friends. Most carers are fairly lonely, and so it’s usually other carers who understand.
I’m not suggesting that anything more than friendships happened: but there were some carers who were able to offload their stresses and some of their more personal thoughts to a select few - or one - other carer(s). Because other carers get where you’re coming from.
You can find local support groups here: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/local-support
Friendships are key here.
Please find a way in order to make new friends and maintain that over the next few years. It is important to be part of a valuable trusted community. Last night I went to a weekly social gaming event for disabled people and their carers that was organised by a care company which I now only use once a month or so. After I adopted Milo early one year I decided to change my life.
This decision was based partly on the urging of both of my parents. Last week I even attended a fun Halloween party, a musical alone and went to a scary trail as well. Find a trusted care company or a private live in carer and try to take it from there. Request a care needs assessment to proceed further in terms of getting some support. This is the first official step. I’m so glad that I did.
But do not rely on the care quality commission however. Instead do try to read and listen to some private reviews. A good local accredited care company is not that hard to find. Search online and seek out more personal first hand recommendations. Try to get it right the first time when you are looking at any and all accredited care companies to use for your disabled relative. Pay very careful and close attention to what you happen to witness and make brief summary notes.
This is very important. You need to be able to wholly trust whoever you end up using in the end. Nothing more nothing less. Less is more. Good luck.