I am at my wits end both mentally and physically. My 95 year old Mum with dementia came home from an overnight stay in hospital after a UTI which has left her very tired and hopefully temporarily bed bound. The normal care agency who provides a single carer 3xs a day has no additional carers available for a double up to help with personal care, rolling her etc. I live 15 miles away and have been going in once a day at lunchtime to provide the extra assistance. I am 62 with my own back problems which have now got so bad it takes me until the next day for my back to get rid of the spasms and then another visit. My brother is a narcissist and is accusing me of stealing from Mum and sending me horrible text messages. He lives 5 mins away from Mum and passes the end of her road on the way to work. He is 5 years younger than me with muscles bulging out of his shirt. I so hate to see Mum like this and cry at each visit. I have found an experienced carer with 17 years experience who lives close by and is in between jobs and has offered to help with Mum for a small fee. She can start tomorrow. My brother is saying ‘You can’t do that for obvious reasons’! I have done the caring for 2 weeks and its affecting my life, cancelling appointments etc. Hes now demanding I go in twice tomorrow which means two separate trips, I am beside myself with the stress. Can someone please tell me why I can’t get the carer to help the agency carer? Am I missing something? The carer is waiting for a reply and I don’t know what to do. She would so sort out my problems. Unfortunately its all too late to contact anyone else for advice.
Hi Lou,
I don’t see why you can’t support your Mum; if the agency are in agreement. Might be better though to say she is a family friend, as they accepted you her daughter, helping - not all agencies will.
The lady you are considering would need to be “Self employed,” and responsible for her own NI, tax and pension or you would need to be her employer, in which case these become your responsibility. Is your Mum self funding? If not, then you could apply for direct payments to pay the lady and request to use a payroll service. However, getting an assessment for direct payments could take too long, as your Mum needs the extra pair of hands now.
Melly1
For what it’s worth , just checked the " Bible " to see if a temporary stay was covered.
Being discharged from hospital - NHS
In my opinion . only at a stretch and reading between the lines.
Dead end , I would suggest ?
In any event , no help whatsover to Lou now.
As long as the agency agrees, I can’t see it being a problem. You might want to re-read the contract with them just to see if there’s anything against in there.
I assume Mum is self funding? If she is re-read contract about termination and notice, then you can start to seek a new agency for the future.
If she’s not self funding and care is arranged by council you need to contact the emergency duty social worker to get them to arrange emergency care.
As regards brother, you either ignore him, or hand it ALL over to him. At the very least you book a 2 week holiday and go on it, leaving him in charge. You make sure you are uncontactable. Once hes doen it himself you will find him much more understanding. If he isnt revert to the ignoring strategy.
Make sure you have POA for Mum and that any expenditure is fully documented. He’s probably thinking that all this money on care is reducing his inheritance.
Hi Lou,
When my mum moved into a bungalow near me one of the first things we put in place was a ‘cleaner’, who turned out to be one of those rare ‘treasures’ and stuck with us until Mum died and did far more than cleaning duties. Mum loved her as a second daughter.
However I would suggest that you look up employment laws. Would this person be ‘self employed’? Very strict rules about that or would the Care Company perhaps employ her temporarily? If not you would have to employ her yourself (or Mum would) which is another set of strict rules.
Very tempting to do a ‘cash in hand’ arrangement BUT if there was an accident with Mum and the carer blamed the ‘family friend’, that might cause all sorts of legal problems.
I think it sounds a good solution on the surface but I really think you should consider the ‘what ifs’. I think the Care company will say ‘no way’. Health and safety, employment laws, liability and so on.
Also consider – extra carer gets another job. Where does that leave you and mum?
If the Care company cannot field an extra carer is it time to find another company?
Good luck