Does anyone ever get the support they need?

Hi, I am just reading all the posts on here hoping to see some light with people getting the help they need. Unfortunately, so many people are in familiar situations dealing with people with a range of needs. So many people have their own issues as a result. I am saddened that caring is such a hard thing yet so many capable/amazing people are putting their lives on hold to help when no one else wants to. It’s shocking how many people are forced into these situations. I know people say it is a choice, but so many people seem to have no choice. Social services seem to have put in place these ‘capacity’ laws which address ‘yes or no’ in very literal terms. No one seems to care when the carer struggles.

I’m in a position where I have had a carers assessment and am still waiting for a call from a support worker, but I am unsure they will ultimately help. My mum is also due for a needs assessment in the next hour. I have also spoken to the social worker doing the assessment and will receive a call later today or early tomorrow to discuss more. I have told her to view me as a ‘negotiator’ rather than straight up expect my mum to understand something that is beyond her.

However, I would just like to know that there is hope out there and people do get the help they need eventually and are able to escape if they want to.

It’s not easy, but it can be done!

A little support from the Helpline can go a long way!

I hope all went well with the assessments and you will get the support sooner than later.

As Charles suggested phone the helpline -prior to assessments which is too late now but even after the assessment and/or when getting the outcome of the assessments if you need to challenge them.

Don’t be alone in this, phone the Carers UK helpline.

Carers UK information and support
Our telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (


Unfortunately, I have to wait to the end of the month to get an appointment with the carers support.

I am yet to hear the outcome of my mums needs assessment yesterday. They did tell me they were going to call me, but haven’t heard anything yet.

Delivered to you on the better late than never principle…
I hope you get to hear sooner.

Bear in mind that no assessment is complete without input from the carer. If you haven’t been asked for your input on that, the assessment as it stands does not meet the requirements of the legislation.

Hi all again,

I had to call the social worker in the end.
Luckily the social worker was very nice and actually helpful. Before the assessment she let me call her and discuss what I think would happen in the assessment and what my mum might say. I was afraid as with what has happened in the past that they wouldn’t dig and take everything at face value. My mum is not the greatest listener when it comes to dealing with hard subjects and not the best at communicating so I was worried a few thinks would go amiss.

Now the assessment has been done, It sounds like the call massively helped, however I am very ambivalent about it as there are both good and bad sides.

Apparently, it was not just a social worker from social services who went to visit my mum on Wednesday but her and a mental health worker.

From what the social worker said my mum and the mental health worker got on really well, and it looks like she will be the new care coordinator. (Much better than the last useless one). Communication actually happened.

However, from the assessment there are two outcomes. First the fact that they don’t think my mum needs a carer. I suppose I see that as two sided. However, they have agreed that my mum would be much better of in an assisted living accommodation as per her needs. They apparently filled in the forms and they are now underway. It is uncertain how long it will take for my mum to get one of these places. I am hoping it is sooner rather than later. I am afraid I know nothing about how long it will take.

However, I am very concerned that the ball is in the court of the NHS. Services in the North East of England are absolutely dire, worse than more central places. I personally just wish that these services would take mental health more seriously and to stop using such an annoying blanket term for a series of conditions which increase in severity. I wish they would stop thinking that mental health is just an in the moment, and not an ongoing problem like it is. Unfortunately, my mum will be like it forever, its just part of who she is. Referring my mum to counselling services is just not the answer, as they are just to basic for her needs. I have had that problem with it myself, they expect you to be okay after the course has finished. I wasn’t so my mum wont.

its all sounding tentatively promising. Assisted living sounds a good long term solution for your Mum (and once she moves this will be good for you too). Having to wait isn’t good, but is the way it is unfortunately. Whilst she is waiting, counselling will at least mean she has support for awhile, even though it won’t ‘cure’ or change her. As far as I know, there isn’t a limit to how many separate blocks she can have and counsellors can recommend people they have counselled to other services.


Does mum currently rent or own her home?
Do you live with her?
Lots to consider around this subject.

Thanks for your reply.

Unfortunately social services do not think she has extra support needs despite it being blatantly obvious. The thing is they are putting her into the category of mental health and they are not taking mental health seriously. We have a real problem in this world where we think just talking about our struggles is enough. Like those struggling with th cost of living crisis, apparently your worries are meant to go away if you talk about it.

It is not the case especially with my mum. Mental health may aswell be put in the category of a sore throat or a cold because the way they treat it is non existent. A short course will not help.

I am scared for how long this will take. I know what I want and I know it is possible. I just want mum to be able to stand on her own two feet and be independent like the rest of us. However, she can’t follow a routine.

I just hate this whole carer thing. I am fed up of hearing how noble it is. I don’t see it being about love. I was once told how can you help someone if you can’t help yourself.

Tonight I am very upset. I was due to go on holiday with my partner and his family next year. I have now had to cancel my place on this holiday as there are too many possibilities and no one to help mum. I am extremely upset about this, it would be my first holiday abroad. I have being crying in my partners arms, knowing this is my life from now on.

That’s the trouble with us carers, we can’t even have holidays. We’re told we can, but can we really.

I’m not sure that was the right decision. Whilst you keep propping mum up, no one is going to understand why you keep saying she needs more help. Caring has to be a balance between the amount of time we spend caring for ourselves, and our caree.

I know it was a difficult decision. The holiday was for a few weeks.

I have also just found out that my partners mum wants them to move over the water from where we are. I don’t know if it is going to happen my boyfriend works afterall.

I have also been in the know that my boss at work wants to sell the whole building and move us elsewhere.

Everything is being ruptured from beneath me and I don’t like it. Yet I have no control over all of this.
This added with my mum is too much.