Disabled son refusing a Needs Assessment

We are carers for our disabled son who is now 23.

He has Cerebal Palsy which affects his speech and mobility. Cognitively he is okay and understands everything.

He went to college for two years and since then has not been able to find work. He is at home most days except one afternoon a week when he goes to volunteer in a charity shop.

He has become increasingly angry and aggressive at home and we are struggling to cope. Our daughter, who is 26, also lives with us but they haven’t spoken for at least 2 years. She avoids him because of his temper.

Things are at a point now where we feel he is going to get physical. He was spitting at us towards the end of last year. Then things calmed down and now he is really getting aggressive and coming right up to us. Anything can trigger this behaviour.

He refuses to discuss getting any help. I have started to submit an application for a carers assessment but in all honesty we are no longer able to care for him. I know he will refuse to co-operate with a Needs Assessment for his own needs.

What are our options in this situation?

Any help and advice appreciated.

If he needs care and you no longer feel able to care for him, you have the choice to refuse to provide that care. That is a legal right. Chances are he’s feeling trapped and possibly even over-protected and letting his frustrations out at you all.

Re the Carers Assessment. That is the time to tell the authorities that you need to find alternative care for your son, and of course he needs to know this too - whether you discuss it before or after the assessment is a difficult choice and only you know your situation.

Contact social services and tell them you need the Carers Assessment urgently because the situation is becoming a safeguarding issue in that your son is becoming increasingly aggressive to the point of almost becoming physical, and that you are all frightened of him.

Hi Farouq
I don’t have anything helpful to say, I just wanted to wish you a successful outcome following Charles advice.

Hi Farouq,

it does sound like he needs to move out. You feeling threatened isn’t right and he sounds very frustrated with the situation too.

He may be more accepting of a Needs Assessment if he knows it is with a view of sorting out some support and finding him his own place (supported living.)


No advice but prayers.