Dementia and fighting with finance

sorry if this is confusing writing explaining like this is not my forte

morning all, well by the time i have one finger typed this it will be good evening all sigh.
so my story begins in sept 2020, had a call from a neighbour saying mum in tears, doctors phone call then video consultation with specialist outcome was Alzheimer’s in dementia late onset and we jump forward to may 21 my decision to jack in my self employment as a mechanic to care for my mum and eventually my dad who was 86 at that time real bad arthritis plus many other ailments was a good decision for me health wise, i was told i could start with my mum on the 24th may 21 from local council they told me not to worry about finances as they could back date pay, after several moving of goalposts i eventually started getting paid from council from 23rd june 21 but never got any pay until the end of july, this put me back financially a long way using up what very little i had saved very quickly, so my new self employment now is a personal assistant to my mum the council for this pay me 11.26 an hour for 2 and a quarter hours a day (before i started they told me i will get 3 hours a day) so with that and the small amount i would be getting caring for my dad 3 visits a day would see me about right each month for rent food and bills just about. i started caring for dad in august the day before i started caring for him however he fell out of bed and ended up in hospital i ended up caring for dad for a week before he passed away the hospital stay had made him very very weak. this all came along with a review to my housing benefit which pretty much stopped so now my income is just from the 2 and a quarter hours a day i get from mum also i get small amount of tax credits a month i gave up the mechanic work as i thought mum needs alot more attention than 2 and a quarter hours a day she does too if i leave her in daytime within 30 mins to an hour i get distressed phone calls from her i am here at mums from 8.30ish to 4.30ish daily then saturday morns and 2 sunday morns a month, busy bro and sis do the rest and we have mum in a settled good routine for now i have applied for housing benefit again along with council tax reduction also i have applied for a discretionary housing payment none of which seems to be forthcoming for the last 2 weeks aside from a £50 loan from my brother i have had £1.91 left of my overdraft in my bank, daily charges have took care of that just about on the edge of financial breakdown so could do with some advice i have used turn to us calculator but it just a waiting game oh yeah i have 11 year old daughter who wants christmas this year also no chance of credit,

Why haven’t you claimed any other benefits?
Talk to the Carers UK helpline asap.

Is mum claiming exemption from Council Tax due to dementia?
When was she last assessed by Social Services?

Dear Chris
I agree with Bowlingbun, please do contact our Helpline to find out what you’re entitled to. They can be contacted on on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (
with kind regards

Chris, does your mum have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Own or rent her house?
Given the fact that you have a daughter, are you living in your own home, or mum’s?
How old is your daughter?
Mum is going to need more and more care until she dies. At some stage residential care is almost inevitable.
Would you prefer to go back to your old life with your daughter, and leave someone else to care for mum?
I know how hard these decisions are, we supported all four of our parents, all ill and elderly, until they died, as well as our disabled son.
Sadly, the stress of it all led to the death of my husband at 58, not long after his dad died at 87. None of us are invincible.

hey all thanks for the replies i will give carers uk a call,

to answer a couple of questions from bowling

no she has less than 10k

she rents from council

i live on my own rented flat 10 mins from mum

my daughter is 11

at the moment as stressful as it is i am enjoying being with mum and do not wish to go back to normal working life
though completely untrained i have read a lot about this disease and think at the moment we are all ok

mum was last assessed in may or june, i think she was already exempt from council tax doctors have rung once for a dementia review appointment, i asked if this could be done at home or online as a bit difficult with mum as she thinks nothing is wrong with her, she hates docs always has she has never liked taking meds unless absolutely needs em, mum gets very upset nowadays at the mention of docs, never heard anything back, sorry that not true she had 3 or 4 letters offering her jabs

Hi Chris,
As mum has limited savings, you can ask Social Services to provide her with some extra care without it costing her any more money.
I’m so glad you have your own place, because if you lived with mum, you would be given just 4 weeks notice to leave, in most cases, after she left for whatever reason.
Your daughter deserves some time with her dad. Have you had your own Carers Assessment?
This doesn’t look at you ability to care, but at any extra help you need to support you in your caring role.
If your daughter spends a lot of time a mum’s house, she might count as a Young Carer. Some areas have Young Carer Groups or clubs.