A sad article in the Daily Mail today…
I was taken aback by the husband who said they felt they couldn’t divorce their wife with dementia as it would mean their children would have to come home and look after her!
Er, no…
However, a useful bullet point at the end of the article about ‘how to divorce someone with dementia’ in that the person with dementia can have a ‘litigation friend’ to act on their behalf.
A judicial separation might also be an option - the judge allocates the property/savings to each, but there is no formal divorce. That might help re care home fees etc etc etc???
Yep … spotted during my earlier trawl.
Best that can be said for that article is the COMMENTS section at the bottom.
" Middle England " at it’s finest … ???
In sickness and in health … the age old tradition of society now being questioned … especially when the family’s silver is at stake ?
Heaven forbid … what’s next … family ( Non ) values … or holding a knife in your left hand when eating ?
What was the purpose of the article ?
To stir up " Middle England " … or deflect them away from the REAL issue ???
I thought it an ok article and quite brave really…it is not an easy subject to write about as people will jump in saying ‘better or for worse’ is what marriage means.
It did mention the mental behavoiural changes and how frightening this can be for the other partner. .
However, I wish it had focused a little more on people with restricted assets who cannot afford to seperate and give the partner with dementia the best care.
Yes, as ever, the REAL problem remains the ‘who pays for care’ problem…the residential care costs remain the same punitively high expense whether a couple is together or divorced…
And also, as ever, it’s ‘taking a gamble’ on how long the person with dementia will live…(so ‘death solves the problem’…)
It was noticeable that several of the case studies were for couples where the dementia was early onset.
I’m still shocked by the husband saying his kids would ‘have’ to come home and look after mum while he swanned off with a new relationship!!!
Chris - I didn’t read the comments - I’ll look next time I’m on the Daily Misery website (I sussed the DM a long time ago - it’s mission is simply to ‘stir’…it has few ‘real’ positions of opinions, it just likes to get people angry!)(and I usually do!!!) (Mind you, these days I get even angrier if I read the Grauniad and all the virtue-signally blah blah blah that goes on there).
The ‘in sickness and in health’ is a tricky one to call morally. Shades of Mr Rochester stuck with his mad wife in the attic!!!
But on the other hand the idea that a wife or husband can just blithely ‘abandon’ their spouse to swan off with someone else ‘more fun and less ill’ is also repugnant. Mind you, they are the types who would swan off anyway, irrespective of any tragedy.
I’ve known husbands swan off to younger women, and women swan off because hubby is boring and dull, so it cuts both ways.
But dementia, I fear, has to be even more taxing than madness to cope with???
Yep … not known as the Daily Chuckle for nothing.
Comments section ?
Always " Entertaining " over there … a daily competition of sorts … find the one that gets to the real meat of the article.
Most posting seem to do so when there’s an ad break in the daily Jerry Springer show ???
I agree - some comments do just ‘nail’ issues very succinctly.
Heaven forbid if ever they post an article sympathetic to our plight !
The Comments Section would read as if the Antichrist had been born.
Trust me on that one ?
Typical exchange on another article over at the Daily Chuckle :
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I’m my mums full time carer, which means I have to commit to 35 hours a week for which I’m paid less than £65 a week which equates to less than £1.85 an hour, where does the minimum wage come in there, one rule for most another for the government!
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Mike, Preston, United Kingdom, about 4 hours ago
why should anyone get paid for looking after their mum - we did so without any thought for payment. Look after your own when they need you as they looked after you when you needed it.
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AmandaJ14, Coventry, United Kingdom, about 4 hours ago
Unfortunately, not everyone owns a house, Mums not owned one since divorcing my Dad many years ago and has lived with me for the last 10 years so the loss of an inheritance is irrelevant! And it’s not just me in this situation, but look in the bright side I could work for another 16 hours a week, as long as I don’t earn anymore than £116, meaning I could do a 51 hour week for about £5.80 a week!
"why should anyone get paid for looking after their mum - we did so without any thought for payment. "
OK, so what paid for the food they were eating, huh? Or who paid the electricity bill? etc etc etc.
Interesting article and comments, but why, oh why, was it regulated to the Femail section?
Dementia and divorce and caring affect both sexes equally, it’s not just a female issue.
Shame on you Daily Mail
Really sad article. But if a man really wants a divorce? he has every right to do that. I understand that with such a disease is very difficult, but for this there are nurses and other assistants. And other question like “how to divorce someone with dementia” should be explained by professionals.Because it is a very narrow issue and people with specialized education should understand it.