A friend of mine, her mother has dementia, quite advanced and is in a home. Another male patient with dementia is friendly with the mother and they wish to marry !
Has anyone had this situation in their own family and was it resolved OK?
Apparently the relationship between the two has reached a sexual nature.
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Albert,
My random thoughts are:
are they both now single?
Perhaps they can be encouraged to have a long engagement.
This sounds flippant but isn’t meant to be - the nature of their conditions mean they’ll likely forget in the future they want to get married.
They aren’t both mistaking each other for someone in their pasts?
The main question is what’s the problem? Except of course the will situation could get interesting. And capacity. And countless other issues.
I think the safest bet is to go for getting engaged and letting things slide a bit. Let them have their fun, and keep the situation as simple as possible.
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Best thing is let them enjoy life but it would be wise for your friend to have a chat with the other person family if they can have a chat to save any upset.
Thanks for all that. I guess as time goes by they wouldn’t know who the other is. So sad, but that’s just part of this cruel condition.
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As they both have dementia, I doubt that they can give informed consent to marry?
If they are happy in bed together, and family planning isn’t an issue, I don’t see the harm in them sleeping together. Many widowed people once had very happy loving relationships, sex is after all a very natural part of adult life. They should each have a bedroom themselves, and this should continue so that they both have the option of saying no thanks, not tonight.
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When hubby 1st went into the nursing home there was a couple who grew fond of each other. They used to hold hands and always eat together. I don’t know if any other intimacy was involved but they definitely were happy in each others company. Both widowed I believe. The lady died eventually. At 1st he asked for her but then no longer did. Maybe this couple,in their dementia world saying they would like to marry means they like each others company? Happy dementia place?
As a sad follow up, the lady has just died.
It was a quick end but hope she died happy, looking forward to marriage. The poor old man must feeel lonely now.
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@Albert_1604 Thanks for letting us know. Sad news, but she had a happy time until the end by the sound of it. Hopefully the old man will not grieve for too long.
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Thanks for the update Albert. End of sweet love story.
Hopefully the elderly man be ok. Am sure the staff will be kind to him
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Thanks Albert for the update. I agree with the sentiments of Charles and Pet.