Dealing with stress

Hello, I have 2 children aged 14 and 9 with ASD, my relationship with my wife has been turbulent to say the least and I found out why, she has an ASD that has only just been diagnosed, she has no tolerance to pain and can be unpredictable, the doctors always put it down to depression. I feel our relationship has gotten stronger now I understand her better but on the flip side she is definitely the most challenging out of the 3 but I pretty much have to cope on my own which can get me down.

Hi Garry,

Sounds tough. At least now she has a diagnosis, you can put strategies in place and she can learn to self regulate better. Autism presents differently in women and girls - so worth both of you reading up. Is your wife getting any support to come to terms with her diagnosis and what it means?

Do you manage to get time for yourself?


I’ve been reading up yes, things that used to frustrate me are now better understood but it’s took until she’s 42 to get diagnosed, I don’t get time to myself but I do my best, it has made me ill from stress as I now have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis which are both stress responses from the immune system but I don’t know where to get support.

Hello Garry

Welcome to our forum! This sounds like a very difficult and lonely situation for you. I’m not sure how much you have looked at our website but we are running various online (zoom) weekly sessions for carers. We run a weekly care for a cuppa session, usually on a Monday afternoon, its a chance for carers to come together talk and support each other, there’s no pressure to share anything. Many of our carers who have attended have found it to be really helpful and supportive. I’ve attached the link for you

We’re also running other meet up sessions such as share and learn, here’s the link to these sessions
Some of these sessions we’ve recorded so that carers can watch them when its convenient, time-wise.

Please do think about coming along to our care for a cuppa or one of our meet-ups Garry.

with best wishes

Hi Garry,
This sounds like a very tough situation and I am amazed you are able to cope with this. However, there is always so much a person can take, and as strong as you are to handle this, you do need solution. My advise might not be much, but I think what you could do is make a schedule. Organizing yourself can free up some time, if you are able to get everything according to some plan.

Once you get some time saved up, use it to do things you enjoy, maybe things you always dreamed up to do as a kid, or just follow a hobby.

Maybe get an animal? I would suggest a cat, as dogs take too much attention and care, but sometimes an animal is a great way to get stress relief. They are always a friend that you need, someone to greet you when you enter home. It is common for animals to come over to their owner when they are sad, stressed out and ill and support them in that small way that is just what is sometimes needed, that you aren’t alone with the all the world burdens.

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Hello and thank you, it’s nice to actually be able to talk to somebody who understands.