Dad refusing to move from hospital to respite care!

According to my dads doctors he was ready for discharge just before Christmas. The two things holding up him leaving was that his new sheltered housing flat wasn’t ready to move into and his care package isn’t in place until 3rd January. The hospital said last week they were going to move dad to a care home until his care package is in place. It has taken until today to find something suitable and he is supposed to be going there now. It will only be for two days but he has just sent me a message saying he is refusing to go and he wont leave his room at the hospital. Can my dad do that and can the hospital make him go to the care home? It is only for three days so I don’t know why he is making such a fuss. All he has done is complain that he wants to leave hospital. I can’t win!

Personally, given the fact that you and your Dad have a difficult relationship, I would leave the hospital to work out what to do. Don’t get involved; he might be hoping to move in with you for a few days and then refuse to budge!

I know what you mean about it only being a few days - but with beds being in short supply, that could mean someone’s elective surgery being postponed again - due to a lack of beds…


Melly’s post makes a lot of sense to me.

“I will never win”. Good, now you have recognised that, just give up trying. He thinks he can get you to do what he wants by being difficult. Wrong. He has been difficult for a long time, and won’t change. He’s probably incapable of changing now. Whether he refuses to leave the hospital or not is up to them. Don’t get involved. Stand firm.

Turn off your phone if need be, at least put it on silent.

You really need some counselling now to help you deal with all this. I found it really helpful, you will too.

Thanks guys, he went to the respite place in the end. I spent half of NYE driving about collecting his belongings from the hospital and taking them to the care home. But it’s all done now and he is in there until friday when his care package can start at home. I was already thinking about counselling so will make enquiries about that tomorrow. No doubt there will be another drama today or tomorrow. Christmas and NYE have been ruined, let’s hope 2020 is better. X

He should have moved using hospital transport! Not your job. You are going to have to practice saying this!

Hoping things will be better this year. Please make an effort to ask yourself if you ought to be agreeing to do so much for your father before agreeing to do more!