Crash mat versus bed lever

My mother aged 96 has had carers for a few months and various equipment has already been supplied. She has been in hospital for 3 weeks prior to being discharged to rehab where she has now been for 2 weeks.
A few days ago 2 ladies came to look at what is in place and what she needs for when she comes home. I assume they were occupational therapist type people.
She will probably need 2 carers 4 times a day initially but that would be reviewed. I explained that I am concerned about Mum’s safety overnight for the 13/14 hours between the last carers of the day and the first carers the following morning. We live in a dormer bungalow. Mum has the downstairs bedroom and I sleep in the dormer. Prior to her going into hospital I have 3 times come downstairs and found her lying on the floor. Following that an electric hospital bed was provided and foam wedges, but she still manages to get out of bed and attempt to dress herself.
My concern is that when she comes home, I won’t know if she is lying on the floor for hours getting colder and colder, until the morning. I asked these 2 ladies if a crash mat could be supplied with an alarm system to alert me upstairs. I could then cover her over to keep warm and use the already installed telephone helpline, to get help. I feel I was fobbed off and that question was not answered.
I then had a phone call on Friday, about delivering a bed lever, but no idea what that is. Would that stop her getting out of bed, when she has previously negotiated round the wedges. Whilst in rehab they use a crash mat at night and a CCTV system as well as checking on her hourly.
Am I within my rights to insist on a crash mat with an alarm system being installed before she comes home. I would have very disrupted sleep and be frightened of finding her on the floor, frozen. Are they trying to pass on the guilt to me if that were to happen?

It sounds like they want to dump mum back at home, and onto you!

You CANNOT be forced to care for mum. Has this been explained to you? Have they done a Carers Assessment for you?
If mum is 96, how old are you?
Are you prepared to have carers coming in and out of your house until mum dies?
No opportunity for holidays?

From what you describe, mum’s needs are now so great that she needs a TEAM of carers, 24/7.
How do you feel about her coming home at all?
I had a battle royal with my mum’s hospital, they said it was fine for her to go back to her bungalow, completely immobile and bed bound, stuck in bed 24/7, a being expected to poo in a “nappy”.
Mum was very fussy about her personal hygiene, and the idea of this was appalling, for both of us.
After a long very stressful battle with the hospital mum moved into residential care for the last year of her life.

Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare to you?

I’m 73 years old. My only other family is my brother but he lives in California. There is nobody else but myself as following my wife’s death all our so called friends disappeared.

Mum does not wish to go into residential care and is phobic about it. I visited a local care home and was disgusted . I would not allow my dog to live there, let alone my mother.
Carers have been coming in for several months so I’m used to it now. I want the 2 days daycare to be resumesd as that is my time to do the shopping and attend to my own appointments including my therapy appointments…
The hospital were about to discharge Mum back hone to remain in bed. It was the care provider who informed me, not the hospital or the social worker. I got the discharge cancelled and eventually they discharged her into rehab. She is thriving in rehab, has put on weight whilst there. In hospital she was kept in bed 24/7 with the rails to prevent her getting out. She was desperate to leave hospital. When she did, she had lost so much mobility, but the rehab staff are brilliant and she is regaining that. She is getting a great deal of attention in rehab and really making progress.

Yes, she was expected to toilet in bed. What happened was that the nurses were too busy to bring a commode etc, so she developed an issue with retention of both urine and faeces. They then used enemas and inserted a catheter. Mum told me they’d done unspeakable things to her and she was praying to God. Turns out that was the catheter insertion. To a lady of 96 it was horrible but the nurses didn’t have the time to see to her.

I fully support her coming home and will always do my utmost for her. She’s always been there for me, and I’m there for her. I just want her to be safe overnight. If it comes to it, I’ll sleep on her bedroom floor to keep her safe.

I just want some guidance on how to insist on a crash mat and alarm system so that I can sleep soundly at night.

Don’t discount care homes totally, or make any promises you may not be able to keep.
My mum’s home was like a hotel with nurses!

So for the moment at least, you are happy for her to come home IF she is going to be safe.
My son has learning difficulties, he’s 42, fit as a flea, but can’t read, write or do any maths.
There are various options available to you that should have been discussed when the Occupational Therapists visited.
Tell the hospital that you are happy for mum to come home BUT THEY MUST ENSURE IT’S A “SAFE DISCHARGE”.

My son has an “Oysta”, provided by Social Services, it’s a tracking/emergency help phone. When I accidentally dropped it at my home one day, within seconds, a voice said “M, are you OK?”.
There are electronic aids like pads under mats so if anything is put on them, an alarm sounds.
I’ve seen details at various times, but am not the best one to ask. I think most come via Tunstall.
Mum can also have a pendant alarm, if she could use it, so if she fell, she could push a button, a call centre would answer, and could call you.

Thank you.
I know they have a duty of care and it’s unfair to send her home unless she is safe. I do want her with me because I know she would never settle anywhere else other than to return to my borther in California, but I seriously doubt she will ever fly again.
She spent 20 years living in California and came to me for a visit 3 weeks before the first lockdown. Effectively she got stuck here due to Covid. If she had been over there the medical costs alone would have totally wiped my brother out as Mum was uninsurable. So I am really grateful for the NHS.
Hopefully they will look into the pressure mats you mention. If that’s an option and fulfills the need, I’ll go with it. I need to sleep at night and not end up feeling guilty

Carers UK has a helpline, they may be able to suggest some aids so that you can sleep. Tiredness is my biggest enemy.

My Mum was provided with an alarm called a Possum by her care home. She also had a crash mat. They could not use bed rails as my Mum hated them and also the home said they caused more accidents with residents trying to climb over them.

The Possum was a paper thin sheet that went under the bed sheet and sounded if the resident got off it. It bleeped on the staff’s monitor which they had on their belt.

Hope that makes sense.