Caring for vulnerable parent who lives with me

Hi I am currently caring for my 83 year old Dad. He hss heart failure, stage 4 COPD, kidney probles.

He is a extremely vulnerable person for COVID 19. I also have my 22 yo son who works in food production and hencr is still working.

I have been furloughed from work for the foreseeable future.

My main problem is I am now at my wits end. I have been out of my house for more than 20 mins twice in the last 7 weeks.

I am going crazy. My Dad has become agitated and picking arguments. I really feel like walking out and not coming back.

I had arranged respite for 2 weeks for Dad just a this Covid all started. He has lived with me for the last 8 years. I am now mentally exhausted as well as physically.

I have a partner who lives 70 miles away who has said to come and stay with him for a few days. Get my head back together and rest. My son supports this and Dad has carers coming in twice a day. But I am terrified I will be stopped by the police for breaking the rules.

I am so tired and feel like banging my head up the wall. I really don’t know what to do.

If I was in my right frame of mind this would nit even be a problem. But I have had 2 weeks of Dad and COPD flare up. Not wanting to risk taking him to hospital. Doing all the calls to docs. Organising his rescue pack and additional meds. He is also catherised and suffers diverticulitis. So once he is on his steroids and antibiotics, in the middle of everyone cleaming the shelves of anything antibacterial, dealing with bowrl incontinence. Soaking sheets and cleaning up night and day. I am exhausted.

Guess I really need some advice. I just want to get away from it.

Hiya Lea, You are allowed to go and stay with your partner. It’s in the rules of lockdown in your particular case. If the police stop you, then you tell them you are moving due to arguments within the house you were staying in.

Hi Lea,
It is time for you to consider your own needs, and for dad to move into long term care. His conditions are only going to get worse, never better I’m afraid, he needs a TEAM of people looking after him 24/7 now. Don’t feel guilty, you have been wonderful to care for him for so long.
Does dad own any property, or have more than £23,000 in savings (Yes/No).

Hi Lea, welcome to the forum

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time right now, it sounds very challenging for you

It’s very important that you look after your own health so that you’re best placed to care for your Dad. I would suggest looking through our help and advice pages here:

and also seeing if you can connect with local carers for further support:

Best wishes


Personally, I don’t think he has a right to stay there another day, given his behaviour!!!