I am a long distance carer for my Dad who is 79, firecely independent and very very stubbon. He has Mild Congniative Impairment also.
There is alot of history here - he was the sole carer for my mother who had a number of mental health issues and rhumatoid arthritis and needed 24 hour care for twenty years. During this time both parents refused any help at all from anyone including me and my sister, social services, and health care workers.
During this time they refused to discuss any plans for future care and would not allow us to make any changes to their home to make it possible for anyone else to stay there comfortably. The only option was sleeping on the lounge floor with access to a damp, mouldy toilet with no hot water, this is what we did.
My mother was abusive to me all of my life and would use violence and verbal abuse until the day she died.
When my mum deteriorated and ended up in hosital and then died I moved to the local area and rented a flat to help my dad through the situation.
The house is now even more challenging to be in - there are 2 gas leaks that he refuses to have seen to, there are boarded up windows where he has broken in because he has forgotten his keys, the boiler is broken and he wont have anyone come to fix that either.
The neglect is not a new thing related to his age, when we asked to fix broken showers etc in the past we were met with hostility and told not to come if we were fussy about wanting to have a shower. He is very comfortabe financially, but he prides himself on not spending any money.
He only has sight in one eye and it appears that he has a deached retina in the one good eye.
I am terrified that if he has an operation and is sent home that I will be expected to move in with him ( nowhere else to stay because of Covid-19) and he will refuse to let me deal with the gas leaks, windows, boiler etc.
, I feel guilty that I dont think I can move in with him and afraid that he wont agree to any other option .
I think I need someone to reassure me that it is not reasonable to expect me to stay at the house in the state that it is in, I dont seem able to make that judgement myself due to the hostility and attutude of my parents in the past.
and I dont know how to go about getting care for him if he does need an operation.
I find it very painful having to tell people about the conditions that me and my sister are expected to live in when we visit and few people understand that there is nothing we can do to get him to fix or change anything.
Any guidence or reassurance would be very very welcome.