Hi all. I’m new to the forum, but really feeling the need to connect in as caring for dad gets harder. In short, I moved him nearer to me about 4 years ago so I could help him better - he’s now 80, with various physical conditions and whilst he won’t admit it, significant depression. Until about 4 years ago I mainly looked after his bills, doctors appointments etc, but more recently he’s needed far more support in (eg) understanding things. He refuses to go to the doctor for anything other than annual diabetes checks, refuses a hearing aid and so has no means of contacting anyone, refuses to use a mobile phone to text (you get the idea). He’s fallen out with everyone and will only speak to me (he’s cut out the rest of the family) and gone to the extent of refusing anyone else access to the house. His house is filthy and full of hoarding, but he won’t let me clean it. About 3 years ago I almost had a breakdown because of all this (I work full time, with many hours commuting, have 2 kids, chronic pain and, well you get the picture). He won’t let anyone come in to help as he’s convinced they’ll rob from him or make him go into a home. When I push, he asserts he must be a burden and will just leave to get out of my way, and I have no doubt he’d just drive off somewhere. I know the above picture makes him sound awful, he’s not, just deeply unhappy and unwell.
Sorry if that sounds like a whinge, I’m just almost lost on how else to help. He can’t live with me - he would NEVER entertain it anyway, but frankly my kids would be too badly affected anyway (the toll on them is what almost made me break).
So, I suppose what I’m asking is - does anyone have any ideas for how I can support him better given the boundaries in place? I’m starting to break again and that won’t help any of us.