I’m not even sure where to start to be perfectly honest, I’ve been caring for my partner for almost 4 years now, his mobility is limited due to spinal and nerve damage, also affects his bladder so I’m constantly cleaning and changing him. Caring for him isn’t the problem here it’s about him being abusive to the core he’s always been a narcissist and abusive and always tried to break me. But I think this time he’s succeeded. I just haven’t got any fight left in me,I’m emotional all the time and starting to get angry nothing I ever do is good enough, every thing is about his needs also throws in my face constantly about money, I’m at breaking point and don’t know what to do,
1 Like
Welcome to the forum.
If he keeps going on about money, is he claiming everything he’s entitled to?
When did he last have a Needs Assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment, from Social Services?
Do you own or rent you home?
The bottom line is that no one can be forced to care, not even a wife for a husband.
Do you want a divorce?
Is he in a wheelchair, or using crutches? Wearing pads? How much washing does he create? Does he help with anything, washing, cleaning, cooking, paperwork, or does he just mope all the time?
If the abuse continues, try contacting social services, also speak to your friends/family about this. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t be afraid to vent on this site. BTW, try respite care.
Yes, he’s getting all the money he’s entitled to but it goes into my account I say to him all the time have it paid into your own account. But he doesn’t take any responsibility for paying bills etcetera! He’s had all the assessments offered to him but he’s rude to everyone that comes to the house, I had an appointment for carers assessment but they cancelled it Due to illness, and yes, he uses a wheelchair. yes, he mopes stays upstairs in his room expecting me to go up and down 100,times a day he’s never taken any responsibility for anything in life!! we rent our house from the council; he wears pads but they leak because the peeing is constant. I change his bed sometimes 3times a day ,clean carpets/dressing gowns towels I’m also not married to him. Tried to leave him several times but because women’s aid doesn’t have refuge for people with grown up children. he has absolutely no respect for me or anyone else.
believe me I’ve reached out to everyone, and no matter what I say to him about me needing a break he’ll just say try living my life everything is about his needs, usually with a few names to call me Too.
1 Like
Then it sounds like emotional blackmail. Don’t tolerate it. I too have been in bad relationship 20 yrs ago. She too used emotional blackmail on me. Especially when I was helping her look after her mum because of mobility problems. Likewise, looking after my mother until recently. As I said, try and get a friend or family member to help you or respite care. Don’t put up with his abuse. Go ahead and do it anyway.
I forgot to mention, try women’s refuge.
I have tried women’s refuge but they don’t have places for women with adult kids, but thank you for letting me rant on.
No problem. Nothing wrong with venting. But, please consider seeking help, ASAP. Don’t let the abuse continue.