My partner (23) just had a big breakdown where he was arrested and taken to a place of safety by the police to have a mental health assessment.
His mum has now kicked him out and he has to live with me because there is nowhere else for him to go.
The social worker is coming around in a few days to see him and i have no idea what i am suppose to ask for. He has no life, is deeply depressed and we have no support.
Just me and him.
I cant do this alone and am terrified if i dont manage the situation right, he will be left with no support at all.
Can anyone suggest what i need to ask for from the social worker to get him support.
Maybe get him funding to go to some activities or something like that.
I just have no idea what help is out there for him and am feeling very lost at sea
@Notaclue24 I am probably not the best person to respond my husband does not have a social worker so am out of my depth re what help they might provide. You are very young though to be taking on the responsibility. Do you want to do this? Do you work? Can your partner contribute financially to the upkeep of the home? It might be worth phoning your local âSupport for Carersâ and talking it over with them? Or the Carers helpline here.
Hopefully someone more experienced will be along soon. However what I have found from reading posts, is the more the âcarerâ even an unwilling/inexperienced one is prepared to do, the less help is offered. So if it were me, I would tell them that it is just a temp thing him staying with him and you are NOT going to sleepwalk into being his full time carer if this is what he needs. I literally beg you not to sleep walk into caring full time especially at such a young age.
hi @Notaclue24, you need to ask for a carers assessment for your self. Ask the social worker if there are things in the local area for him to go to but also get him to speak to someone about his feelings and that. but take your time and don;t push him. Ask for contact numbers when it is out of hours. with his mum give her time as she did to understand that he is not well. There are groups out there for support but don;t let him join something new alone as it could be too much for him. Also keep a diary of how things go. music might help or something he is into . get him to go out for a walk with someone . If you do get into trouble and have no back up phone 999 and ask for help but don;t be afraid to ask for help or call it.Also have thick skin as mental health can be draining but also heartbreaking. Icould tell your stories that would turn your head.
all the best
Do you want him living with you?
Do not sleep walk into becoming a carer unless you love him so much you are prepared to deal with anything that happens for the rest of your life.
Think carefully about your hopes and dreams for the future, your own home, a career, a family.
He is NOT your responsibility.
@Notaclue24 Neither BB or I want to seem harsh but YOU have all of your life ahead of you. Mental Health illnesses are often unpredictable and his issues will impact very hard on you and your quality of life. I also think the MH service is very overloaded and you feel emotionally blackmailed in taking on more and more responsibility. Sending cyber hugs. Do not let your natural compassion compress your needs, hopes and dreams for the future.
I have cared for 10 different relatives in different ways over the last 40 years, the youngest was new born, her mum had postnatal depression so seriously that she needed months of inpatient hospital treatment. The oldest was 87. I always promised myself that âone dayâ when the caring was over I would do various things, but the reality is very different. My youngest son was brain damaged at birth, I had 16 years without a child free day, which destroyed my health. One year I needed 14 courses of antibiotics and then my GP told Social Services that he must become a boarder at school. My husband and I had three wonderful months together, then mum had an operation that went wrong and I was left to care for her until she died 10 years ago. I was always the person the family turned to, and like a fool I put their needs before mine. Now Iâm widowed, disabled, 73, riddled with arthritis, always in pain. Itâs too late for many of my dreams to come true now. Donât let this happen to you. You have just as much right as anyone else to live your life to the full.
@Notaclue24 can I echo not walking into being a carer. My husband has a mental health condition and I have had no practical support. This group has been invaluable in allowing me to vent my anger.
Keep a diary of all interactions, as the GP/social workers will not have a clear record, they will forget and perhaps even lie about what has happened. Try to get as much as possible in writing.
He really isnât your responsibility at this stage of your relationship. You are too young to be facing this alone. It doesnât mean you donât love him but you MUST put yourself first.
If he has no-one else then social services will need to make some provision but as long as you are there, and they will happily leave him with you, they will step back.
Please look after yourself and be firm with social services about what you are willing to do
Sending hugs