Carers Assessment ? Feeling drained

Carers' health and wellbeing
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Hi

Not been in here a while , just read some of my old posts , going back as far as 2012.
Same old battles, just different offcialdom .

im 31 years caring for my husband who had 3 CVA strokes in 1994 , age 30 years old. we had 3 small children at the time.
Hes also faced and survived , with my diligence and tenacity , 2 heart attacks , multiple blood clots both lungs, both legs one in the right coronary artery , he has 11 stents ‘full metal jacket’ on that RCA now , Urosepsis twice , central post stroke pain syndrome (still ongoing ) inoperable arthritic right knee, ( he declined new knee as he felt he was too young, now hes too high risk for one) on 3 lots of anticoagulants, bleeds daily , pain daily, cant read , non tech , very very ADD on top of his cognitive issues , stuck in the past , very negative about everything and on the decline , physically, big time.

He further blockage in heart and in March under went his 9th angioplasy.

last year November time , my MH went down. Im no longer employed , i have widespread Fibromyalgia, multiple arthritic joints, including spine , sleep apena , high BP , insomina , depression and anxiety and now obese, limiting my mobility and seizing up. Im now 62 going on 92.

As I rwachwd to Action for Carers , i referred to social care for a Carers Assessment in November.

That finally , happened yesterday , only it didnt happen .

My OH is anti authority , stubborn, proud and will not engage .

Yesterday the lady told me , she couldnt do a Carers Assessment without him present , and he must have an Assessment first.

Guess what , OH was in a good mood yesterday and feeling very compliant , and agreed to “an assessment” . He masked his pain , went back to his traumatic childhood, returned the time of the strokes which happened abroad , in front of our young children , non of which he will remember as he was unconscious, and two years after the event I suffered PTSD . So she asked deep probing questions , for 3 and half hours! He enjoyed the chat!

Then turned to me when OH excused himself , asked about my health , said shell see if he can have a Direct Payment for when Im away in October , and he can pay friends to call in on him. She didnt feel he needed carers coming . I agreed , because he wouldnt let them in any way.

i feel exhausted , almost betrayed in a way , was this a carers assessment ? I feel ambushed , once again , invisible and once again left to it. I almost want to dissappear .

what was the point of that? I have emailed Action for Carers and thanked them for the referral and explained what happened above .

Im done .

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Hi Maria,
Goodness me you have such a lot to cope with no wonder you are done!
Personally for me carers assessment are a waste of time, think I’ve had three now and been useless, wonderful identify I’m in need of respite which means care home for my mother but then when it came to arrange it so many hoops to jump through it just did not happen!

Don’t just go away in October plan more breaks away. If they going to pay him to have friends to look after him they should be paying you to look after him also, they won’t so book more breaks!

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yes Torchie , i agree , waste of time . I did let the Social Worker i was deflated and the whole conversations were triggering.

There is reconigtion for unpaid carers , but the reality doesnt match the rhetoric, when you scrutinised the ‘support’ it seems to address the problems we face …so you can carrying on Caring ! Ive been employed , still as a Carer , Ive worked voluntrary , still a Carer, Ive been at home , to continue caring , Ive turned down a good career , because of caring responsibilities , and one time stands out working for a local authority, in a vunerable adult team , and OH needed an infusion of Ketamin for pain at the National Hospital in London…and told , no you cant have the day off, no you wont get paid, and asked “cant you stick him in a taxi?” … thats our reality.

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You are covered by the Eqality Act too. They must allow reasonable time off.

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Maria, does your husband receive Attendance allowance? There may be other eligible benefits for those under pension age, my mother is 93, but I could not receive carers allowance until she was receiving this benefit. Once she was in receipt, I was able to claim online. It was very straightforward and my claim was backdated to coincide with her award. I think there is a three month cap that can be be appealed if necessary.