Carer steps for: Moving into a new home, with grandparents?

All about caring Young adult carers
1

Hey everyone,

I hope you’re all well.

Please can anyone tell me what the first steps, they took/are taking, to become a live-in carer for grandparents?

I am single, child less woman, in my late twenties and work part time.
I am wanting to care for my grandparents but neither myself, nor grandparents have a home that is suitable to house the three of us (they own tiny 2 bed home they bought, no mortgage fees left to pay but not accessible home and I rent a room in a shared house).

Therefore, I am wanting to know if I would be eligible for financial help to cover rent costs, should I find a suitable (larger/more accessible)? Also, would I need to leave my part time role (18hrs p/wk) to be eligible for housing support?

We would be looking to sell their property, when moving into anywhere together, if having that asset makes a difference.
Grandparents: 1 has Alzheimers and faulty heart valves, other has serious mobility issues and kidney disease.

Thank you for any advice :slight_smile:

2

Hi Zee … welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

My immediate reaction is to seek expert advice on this right from the off … AGE UK :

Age UK | The UK's leading charity helping every older person who needs us

There are potential minefields that need to be explained to both you and your grandparents.

Ones that are immediately apparent :

Grandparents … capacity … safeguarding issues … what’s the present position ?

Housing … ownership … presumably your grandparents own their present abode … inheritence / potential moves into a care
home / how best structured given the individual contributions.

Caring … Alzheimers mentioned … CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare as a practical alternative down the line … specialist care
needed … just how long before a move into a residential care / nursing home is the only alternative ???

You … potentially working and caring ( Carers Allowance … £ 66.15 per week … if you qualify ? ) … earning limit of £ 123 per
week if claiming CA as well … enough to live on ? That’s around £ 50 short of the official poverty line … without factoring in
housing costs !

( I assume that you have no intention of being paid by your grandparents for caring ? If so , that opens up a whole new can of
worms ! )

Housing Benefit … rent payable … ties in with the housing considerations … how best to structure if less than the " Going "
rate / taxation considerations if paid to grandparents.

( Online benefits and housing benefit calculators … try crunching some numbers through these to see the results !!! )
Benefits Calculator - entitledto - independent | accurate | reliable

Housing Benefit - Entitledto

All that and more … power of attorney / wills … to be bounced off AGE UK first ???

So many considerations even before you develope this idea further.

In addition , what life will YOU have outside of caring … and a lone carer at that ???

Given the reported condition of both grandparents , few on this forum could handle that without some considerable help
from the outside !

And , when the caring ends , what then … having been isolated from the outside world for X years … we know from our
experiences it’s not like shutting one door and just opening another.

Plenty to ponder on … others will be along to extend their welcomes and add their insight.

I suspect a few will advise … don’t … and explore the alternatives … getting more care to their grandparents.

Needs assessments spring to mind in either event :

Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

Finances come into play here … what is the full sp on those ?

All benefits / allowances being claimed … council tax discount / disregard in place ?

AGE UK … if NOT under their radar already , highly recommended in any event.

3

DO NOT DO IT!!!
Never, ever.

There are too many people who have done this and regretted it forever after.
Be their care manager, make sure they get all the care they need, but don’t even think about doing it all yourself. The last thing they need is the hassle of moving, for starters.

4

Hi Zee,
STOP! You have no idea what you are getting into. There are so many pitfalls, financial implications, hazzards and so on and that is before the exhausting, 24/7 full on nursing/caring/physical work comes into it. You are to be commended for wanting to take care of your grandparents. It’s a wonderful thing to want to do and you obviously love them.
However you are looking at them as they are NOW and thinking you could easily cope. Tomorrow and all the following tomorrows will be very different. Elderly people can deteriorate very quickly indeed.
Imagine this scenario.
It’s 4 in the morning and Granddad has got out of bed and is wandering around. He’s been to the toilet but missed the bowl and has forgotten to miss his pyjamas too. He seems to be trying to open the front door. Grandma is calling for you and is crying.
You get to granddad but he doesn’t recognise you and hits out. By the time you have calmed him down and got to grandma she is sobbing because she wanted help to the commode and it’s too late. You didn’t get to bed until 2 am as they needed this and needed that.
By 5.30 they are settled in bed. At 7 they are calling you because they want a cup of tea. Granddad spills his in the bed and Grandma needs the commode again.
Work? No chance. You have to collect prescriptions, make appointments, watch Granddad who is determined to go out to the pub with his non existent friends and is accusing you of stealing his money. Grandma has fallen in the living room and can’t get up. Meet up with your friends? No way, You daren’t leave them alone.
OK.That may not be a true picture of what you will be faced with but it is a realistic picture and the variations are endless. Every day. On and on until your health breaks down.
Much better for them and you to have plan B which involves professional carers and/or assisted living or a care home. You need to oversee the care they need and make sure they are looked after and comfortable.
You could move them into a joint house then find before long you had to move them into a Home because their needs had increased so much and way beyond your ability to cope.
Taking it all on yourself is a choice, but is it one you really want to make? If so and you go into it with eyes open and with full understanding of the legal, financial and stress implications then I wish you all the best and admire you for it, but please make sure you are fully informed.
Do both get AA and reduced council tax? Have they had needs assessments from SS?
So much to think of and understand about, not least the effect on you.
KR

5

Hi Zee and welcome,
My lovely husband has vascular dementia and strokes along with other health issues. The love of my life along with our family.
I’m explaining this because we just could not look after him at home. I realise that it would have been unfair to him, to try much as the guilt monster kicked me. You are a lovely granddaughter to want to help them but I personally feel its too much,capable as I am sure you are.
I will add to Elaines list of things that could happen. The forum doesn’t want repeats on different threads but I’m sure I will be forgiven for this one.
My daughters friends Father in law has Alzheimer’s, and during the night he got up and ate 2 raw chicken breasts. He is extremely poorly in hospital now, as you can imagine. His poor wife,was so totally exhausted she slept through ( very unusual apparently). Beside herself with guilt and its certainly not her fault. Its a heads up on what could happen and very scary.
Of course you must make your own mind up, but it may help to be aware of the pitfalls along with the happier times.

6

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7

Thank you everyone for the advice. The reason I was looking into live- in caring is because at the moment, my grand dad is in hospital and I have been staying with my grandma, which is far from my work, and none of my other family members are patient enough to take it in turns. My grandad is likely to have more trips to the hospital, whilst they live alone together, as he occasionally presents with anger episodes and confusion, where my grandma gets scared and calls 999, this time lead to him being taken into hospital.
I will seek further guidance from Age UK as suggested, in the meantime I will elaborate some further details below.

Professional care:
Unfortunately, my grandma has repeatedly declined care for herself. I spoke with the Adult Access Team recently and they then spoke with her, she was adamant that she does not need help, exaggerating that her grandchildren help her out daily, I’ve never stayed over except these last few days which was after she spoke with the care team. There have been multiple attempts in the last few years to seek care for her.
She has not been diagnosed with dementia etc, so she is considered to have enough mental capacity to decline care at the moment. Therefore, as it cannot be forced, I will seek a memory assessment from her GP.

Housing options:
My granddad is currently in hospital, awaiting assessment by the Care team, to get a care plan in place. He will accept care, as he accepts anything usually (easy going man) but presents with occasional episodes of agitation and aggression, aswel as leaving the home and wandering off, which my grandma can’t handle, living with him alone.
I do believe that a Nursing home is the best solution for my grandad, and as his memory span is so short, he finds momentary joy in anywhere he is because his recognition and hence value of his surroundings are not consistent. My grandma, comes across mentally still rather sharp, though has some early signs of dementia (in my opinion), she also suffers with low mood and would rather be around any family member than a stranger, she would never voluntarily go into a home. Her biggest issue is her mobility at present, as she falls almost daily in her tiny house with no rails, and reluctance to use a zimmer frame in all rooms. Therefore, I don’t know the best steps to take for her, as I think she would live with me willingly, especially if it was near his nursing home. Any thoughts on caring for her at this stage? (They are both in mid 80s).

Thanks everyone :slight_smile:

8

Your welcome , Zee.

Potential hospital discharge with a care plan ?

THE BIBLE :

Being discharged from hospital - NHS

In short … by the book or … NO DISCHARGE !!!

( Be sure CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare IS mentioned if not suggested ! )

A current caring situation that looks like it could explode before long ?

It is for the supporting circus to get their act together correctly … for once.

Question for you , Zee … will YOU make a good ringmistress ???

The experience will give you a real idea as to what may lie ahead IF the correct decisions are NOT made.

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Zee,

Denying the need for outside care because family are doing it must be the most common problem on our forum.

Whilst you are there, then your grandma’s pretence can continue, and will continue indefinitely until she is made to realise her true situation. I’m sure she has no real perception of how much sacrifice you are making, because elderly people in general become so self focussed that they can’t see beyond their own needs.

When did you last have a weekend off in your own place? A holiday?

Only when you make yourself LESS available will there be any chance of her realising how serious her situation has become. Help IS available through Social Services, but only if gran agrees to it.

I know how difficult this all is, I was in a similar situation with my mum a few years ago. It only resolved itself when I had a life saving operation and mum broke her leg!!!

You cannot force gran to have outside carers, she cannot force you to care for her. The solution rests with you.


Moving in permanently means that you are surrendering your own life completely, until gran dies or moves into residential care. At that stage, you would be HOMELESS!


Gran is nearing the end of her life. You are in your prime, but that too won’t last!!