Hi, Sorry it’s long. I am a full time carer for my husband with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. His behaviour is very challenging and he can get cross and aggressive. He was always controlling throughout our marriage and a few years ago I decided I was going to leave him. Reasons being he controlled all the money and stopped me working and going out for 13 years meaning I didn’t pay into a pension or pay NI. I had no friends and my family were not interested in me, so I was alone. I had no access to the bank accounts. I stood up to him, got a job and told him I was leaving (which I can’t stress enough how difficult it was for me). I had to stay in the house because I had no where to go and no money. I was successful in my career and in the end I was earning a good wage. I realised about 10 years ago he was poorly so I stayed. I am exhausted coping alone with his constant need for attention day and night and I feel isolated and like my life is ebbing away again. I contacted social services for an assessment to get someone in so I can take a break and go out without him get cross and anxious (it’s partly because of his illness). Everything I’ve looked at says our joint assets are taken into consideration for this assessment. I’ve been told by other agencies that social service’s cannot take my savings into account only joint assets? I have built up savings of my own which I have continued to add to using the money we have now, which is his pension and carers allowance. I built up this money as an extra for my pension which isn’t going to be a full one. I can’t pay in extra NI to catch up missing years but my pension is protected while I get carers allowance. Obviously I can’t pay into occupational one as I’m not working. He doesn’t have any savings because he just mishandled everything he had and I used the savings he had to pay his debts. Will social service’s insist I show them my bank’s accounts as well and take this into consideration? I really don’t want to have to pay for him with what I have worked for. Jointly we only have a joint current account which is well under the savings limits? I wonder if social service’s will say because we are married my savings are half his? When I spoke to them on the phone they said do ‘you guys’ have savings over…?
Hi Supporter,
Welcome to the forum.
As far as I’m aware only your husband’s savings and income will be taken into account, plus 50% of anything in a joint account. However, social workers are often not very knowledgeable about the rules and assume it’s a joint assessment.
There is a help-sheet here:
You could also contact the helpline for further clarification:
Our telephone Carers UK Helpline service is available Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0808 808 7777 (including bank holidays, with the exception of Easter Monday). Alternatively, you can contact our Helpline service by emailing advice@carersuk.org at any time.
Hello Supporter welcome to the forum
My late husband suffered strokes vascular dementia and other health issues. When finances were discussed my own savings and bank account were not taken into consideration. Just my husbands.
Do you have power of attorney?
As Melly1 advises I would contact the helpline.
Also when my husband started the awful dementia I had a half an hour’s free advice from a solicitor. Maybe you could consider that.
You guys is a very unprofessional way to address you especially in these circumstances. I would remind them of that if and when you contact them!
Hello Supporter. Melly1 is spot on about this. I just have one question: if you were going to leave him all that time ago, why did you choose to stay and care for him? A lot of carers I’ve known did so through a misplaced sense of worry about what the neighbours/family would think.
Don’t feel you have to answer this question: it’s one for you to think about. Remember: you don’t have to provide care for him, or for anyone else. Not if you don’t want to.
Thank you that’s really helpful. I’m not able to have power of attorney because the mental health team don’t feel he has the capacity unfortunately.
There is the option of a Deputyship under the Court of Protection. It’s more complicated than power of attorney, but it’s a choice available to you Deputies: make decisions for someone who lacks capacity: Overview - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)
I had to go down the court of protection route. It is more complicated and strict.
See what advice you can glean obviously before taking any action.
I recommend contacting a local solicitor in order to progress further. Best wishes and prayers too.