Carer for my dad & daughter & struggling

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi, new here obviously.
I’ll keep it as brief as I can but it’s going to be long, sorry.
Single parent of a daughter (dd) who had difficulties from birth, mainly sensory & emotional. Assessed for autism, outcome, she has ‘Autistic traits’. Many years with camhs, GAD, health anxiety, panic disorder etc. 17 told probable Borderline Personality Disorder, but won’t give it as a diagnosis because of her age. Given info on bpd, possible medications & sent for therapy for bpd.

At 19 she moved into her own place. Now 21, back at home, though still renting a flat.

Additionally, mam diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 10 years ago. Dad gave up driving at the same time. Dad also not the most natural carer. Mam went into a home 2 years ago. A very good home where she was looked after extremely well. Unfortunately she died, most unexpectedly, August last year.
Now it’s looking after dad, who is going the same way as mam & my daughter who is getting worse by the day with no support from mental health services.

I confess, I am at my wits end.
I have a sibling, but they have lived abroad for 30 years. It’s all down to me & it’s too much.

That’s about it, as short as I can make it anyway. Been searching for some kind of help, support or understanding, found this place.
Thanks for listening x

2

Agreed, it’s too much. Does dad own or rent his home?

3

Hi Karen, welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you’re struggling, you’re situation doesn’t sound at all easy.

Have you checked through our support pages? there’s lots of information there on what you may be entitled to and support for you as a carer:

It might also help to look at our coronavirus information page and get the latest information and guidance on caring during these difficult times:
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-covid-19

I’m sure there are many people here who’ll relate to your situation, it does help to talk about what you’re going through and let off steam

Best wishes

Jane

4

Thanks for your reply. It’s a bit complicated. Dad owns his half of the house. Mam left her half to my sibling & I, on condition he can live there as long as he wants.
If you’re thinking of a care home for him it’s our worst fear. He is very set in his ways, mostly from the 1950’s & can get very angry.

Thanks for replying
X

5

Thank you Jane.
I had a quick scout around, but the only time I can really look here is when dd is asleep. If she knew I was talking on here she would not be happy.
I’ll try and take some sneaky peeks, thanks
X

6

Your daughter has no right to control you.
Dad has no right to insist you care for him either.
Try to think about what they NEED not what they WANT.
Dad needs someone to support him, long term that means having someone to help do things for him. You know how much care he will soon need. Is his house easy to look after?
What makes him angry?
Did you know he is exempt from Council Tax as dementia is classed as a severe mental impairment?
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance?