New to the place Life is stranger than fiction

:smiley: HI chris I am 61 and currently having to adapt to having my 82 year old dad living with me since January He now has a diagnosis of Alzheimers He doesnt think there is anything much wrong with him because quote…he can run and jump. Not much practical or emotional support from my brother Invalid sister understands best but is severely limited physically and emotionally in what she can do for me.
I am working full time with SEN children ,house for sale, mortgage overdue, widowed 4 years ago .Love music and star trek and my 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren Id like my life back and am struggling as dad wont access services and help .His 2nd wife not my mum is in a nursing home in Bucks. Im in Lancs .Please say hi x Christine

Hi Christine … welcome to the forum.
( A red roser ? Oh well , welcome all the same … 'Alf Yorkie me , London 'Atched and 'And reared. )

Now you know where we are in cyberspace , what can we , an unruly bunch of carer proles , do for you ?

As an opener , caring …and your father’s reluctant to accept outside help ?

Others advise all to become " Care Managers " as opposed to a family carer … akin to traffic cop directing traffic
… a Needs assessment springs to mind here.

Always handy to bookmark this link … never know when you might need them … Alzheimers Society :

Housing … if property up for sale , future abode ?

I presume new abode will be in your name , with father as part of the furniture ?

Will he be contributing … towards the purchase / household bills ?

If so , will be advisable to seek a little assistance from Age UK before finalising property move :

Several considerations … best to have those watertight in case a move into a care home is ever contemplated.

Much will depend on the precise financial relationship … and your father’s scoreboard / slate in the way of assets.

At the same time , other considerations … wills / power of attorney … best to bounce them off AGE UK
unless they mention them first.

In essence , a complete m.o.t. on the " Family " … looking out for future pitfalls , and dealing with them now.

Enough from me , my warp engine is badly in need of a 4 tea bag pint mug infusion at this early hour.
( Army tea … your spoon stands up in it , not around anymore ? )

Other proles will be along to extend their welcomes.

Does Dad still have his own home somewhere? If so is it owned or rented?

PS Easiest answer is for Dad to go live with your brother. Why were you picked upon?

I wish Social services would direct carers to this forum. As we could have help you with understanding what you are taking on. However, SS don’t wont to fund residential placements.
You need to make contact with a local carers group. Just google you local area. Who looks after Dad when you are working?

Who looks after dad ? Nobody He doesnt want anyone ! The social worker is coming again this week to discuss options.
Hes a pretty unique case Very resistant and not very sociable and to be honest pretty selfish.He wont entertain the idea of respite care so have to pray that my brother is off on the 5 day holiday I have booked in August !

Unfortunately Christine your Dad is not unique - it would seem that the older they get the more selfish they get :unamused: It’s a theme we hear a lot on here, so you’re in good company. For one thing they won’t/can’t accept that they are getting older/frailer and are no longer able to manage independently - in they’re minds they are perfectly healthy and capable !

There comes a time when NEEDS triumph WANTS however, but the difficulty is getting them to accept that - when I was caring for my Mum (who had Alzheimer’s) I found that explaining to her that I had to have a break otherwise I would be ill and “then who will look after you Mum ?” worked a couple of times and I was able to arrange for her to have respite care at a local residential care home. The main problem, of course, was that by the time it came round she had completely forgotten that she had agreed to it and so the explaining process had to be started all over again !