Carer burnout!

Hi all
I’m new here and I’ve moved to a new part of the country in the “real” world so I’m now a totally isolated carer, to my 23 yr old autistic/adhd son. I feel like I’m at the end of my tether but there’s no-one else to take my place: just wondering if anyone else out there feels this way…trapped, burnt out, resentful swiftly follwed by guilty and ashamed? :frowning:

In a word yes, but I no longer feel guilty for feeling resentful as it is a normal reaction. Caring is mentally and physically draining.

There will be others along with far better advice than I can give but I would suggest contacting your local Carers branch. I cannot easily get to the meetings but I do have a Telephone Befriender. She has been a carer herself and she is fantastic. Do you get any respite re caring for your son? I know others can maybe point you in the right direction re finding help.

Also please post here as often as you need to. For me, it has been a life saver. We will never judge and understand the sheer frustration we all go through dealing with the NHS and professionals in a failing care system.

My 80 year old husband is a very difficult man and varies a lot day by day as in what he will or won/t/can or can’t do so making plans is hard. That said, I Chair a Book Club and have joined a Wine Club plus I am a member of Rotary. I know it is hard to get out but the bottom line is you cannot care for another person unless you care for yourself first.

The first post takes a huge amount of courage so well done for posting and please tell us more about your circumstances. Hopefully more experienced members will be along to offer more suggestions soon.

I don’t understand why you don’t have any support from Social Services?
Did you have any before you moved?

Yes I have resented it at times. Especially after bad experiences with the system and wasted appointments. My brother’s condition is almost never a problem however. Unless it is the middle of the night and you are up with him for the umpteenth time however that is a separate issue. Honestly.
Have you requested a needs assessment or not? This is the first step on the long winding road of seeking help from the community. Contact your local council to ask a social worker to come out to conduct a needs assessment with you at home and a financial evaluation too. Can you tell us a bit more about your family? What is the diagnosis or nature of your cared for person’s impairment etc? Is it a physical or cognitive disability?
When was your last me time opportunity? Me time is crucial for all unpaid carers. It allows us to remain sane and healthy so we can continue caring for our loved ones when they need us the most. You can use your direct payments for this I think but correct me if I am mistaken. In regards to me time, I find it relaxing. Everyone needs a vacation in other words. Think of it as a good thing.