Hi, it’s been a while.
In brief, living with & looking after my adult child with bpd, suspected autism & adhd, sensory issues, gad, ocd, health anxiety & more. Also some genuine physical ailments.
Also taking care of v elderly father who now lives alone & has dementia. He’s still able to function so long as routine not disturbed.
What to do when you know you’re not coping? I can’t believe how bad things have got in the last 18 months. I am now at the point where I want to run away, or even make a car accident happen,hb just so I can get a break.
If I can be brutally honest & I haven’t shared this with anyone, I am not coping.
My house is a pigsty, my personal hygiene has gone out the window. I regularly go 2 weeks without a shower. I barely eat, losing weight I can’t afford to lose. I am drinking & smoking too much. I stay up until ridiculous hours of the morning because after child has gone to sleep is the only time I get any peace.
I know this cannot continue & I’m tired of telling whatever services, I’ve been telling them for years.
I am berated, blamed & told I don’t do enough numerous times a day. Apparently I don’t care, I never have, I am a negligent parent etc etc.
Please, who do I contact? Child has a Care Coordinator who rings her every 2-3 weeks, always late.
Should it be her, Social Services, mental health team, who?
I am truly at my wits end. Just a few weeks ago I was driving, with child, on a dual carriageway, when they took seatbelt off & put hand on door handle, ready to jump. I ended up at the side of the road, frantically ringing police while child screaming & having total meltdown, with traffic flying by at 70mph. They were angry because I refused to drive to train station so they could kill themselves.
If you have any suggestions, please bear in mind, it is extremely difficult for me to make a private phone call & if someone is calling me back I need a time so I can try to get out of my house alone.
Yes, I am aware how ridiculous this is