I just can’t care anymore.
For the past two years, I have had nothing but hell from my mum who has very bad mental health and physical problems. She will just not do anything for herself at all. She just expects everyone to do everything for her. I tell social services, but they say she has capacity.
She also has attachment issues and wont be on her own for any space of time. She wont eat or sleep when alone. All she wants to do is sit and wallow all day everyday saying “my partners dead”. Every time I try to have a conversation with her she wont answer my questions, she just says “I want your dad back.” Its like she expects me to bring him back.
She sits and wallows so much that the house is falling apart and is covered in mould. She is not answering the door or reading her letters. Some of the letters I have found say that she is in debt and bailiffs are going to come round. She is not attending her appointments and they are discharging her all the time.
I have rung safeguarding a number of times, they are a useless bunch. She also has a social worker who is trying to help her. Everyone seems to think I will be moving back in with her, the house is a death trap. I cant be expected to sleep on a bed of mould, but I cant buy a new bed as there is too much stuff in the house to climb the parts over.
I just dont know what to do. Last week I had a mental breakdown, and I took an overdose, yet no one cares because apparently she has capacity.
This is just some of the pictures of the house. I don’t understand how it is acceptable to make me move back here.
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It isn’t! What is the GP doing? Have you sent these to him/her?
The trouble is no one is doing anything because they say she has capacity.
Mum is driving me mad though. She wont do anything for herself. She is being very manipulative. She keeps manipulating me with the words “I will never find another man again”, it winds me up because the second her phone rings she’s straight at the phone talking to another man on a dating app.
Hi Coolcar
It’s clear you are in need of urgent help - both for YOU and for Mum.
If she has a Social Worker then it is that person’s responsibility to ‘sound the alarm’ and get her the help she needs. If you get desperate enough to self-harm, they have a Duty of Care to step in quickly. If they don’t and you get to that point again you need to call the Emergency Duty Team at your local Council Social Services office. They have a line available 24 hours a day - may go to answerphone but leave a message and say how bad it is and you are at the brink of self-harm as then they HAVE to act quickly.
It is not a nice thing to do, but you must protect yourself and no-one should have to deal with a situation like you have.
You do need to tell Mum’s GP about the situation in the house and if they keep banging on that she has Capacity, then demand a full review. If they ignore you and something happens they will be held responsible. It’s not just a case of putting blame on them, but they will not want things to come back on them, so will start to act. As BB says, if you provide the GP (and the Social Worker) with copies of those photos they can be in no doubt of the seriousness of the situation.
Please do talk to your own GP about your situation as well. He/she may be able to help as well by alerting Social Services.
Please keep checking in on here as I am sure many people will want to offer support to help you get through this. Don’t suffer alone. If you are desperate, call The Samaritans as they will provide a listening ear to help you.
Try to take strength from what we are saying.
Best wishes
Chris
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Time to be tough. Send a social worker those photos.
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Coolcar, you have been given lots of sound advice.
You do not have to return to care for your Mum. The social worker is involved. You can alert the GP and social worker of your concerns re the state of the house and your Mum’s impaired capacity. You can also contact the duty team at social services. You can say you are withdrawing all support as it’s affecting your mental health and causing you to self harm.
I would block your Mum’s number on your phone - now is the time to look after you. If you feel like self harming please contact the Samaritans and make an appointment to see your GP.
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Thank you everybody. Thanks for looking out for me. Mum has a meeting with her social worker tomorrow and I have a feeling she will really try to encourage her getting a care package. I hope it comes off. I don’t know what I willl do if she says no.
My own mum was a terrible hoarder. I was told that it wasn’t a mental illness, but more recently it has been recognised that in fact it IS a mental health issue, a “syndrome” but I just can’t remember what it was called. I know I mentioned it on the old forum, perhaps someone else has a better memory than me?!
What good would going back to mum again do? Absolutely NONE! You have been going round and round in circles for far too long, and are quite right when all else has failed, to leave. I also think you should turn your phone off, or block mum’s calls, because they are clearly causing you a lot of grief, she is bullying you. Stand firm. Your top priority now has to be looking after yourself.
Thanks the trouble is as diagnoses as it is. My local Nhs services say they don’t like to put labels on these things, yet it is so annoying because social services seem to work to box ticking.
I am hoping my mum accepts the help today. I just feel so infuriated with her. I hate to say it but I despise her right now. I am sick of fighting and fighting for her, only for when it comes down to her she misses her appointment, and im back to the start again.
I am sick of listening to the whinging constantly and her repeated “I miss your dad” I miss him too but she can’t keep acting like this.
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Make yourself unavailable. Turn off the phone and go to a library or to a cafe.
