Borderline Personality Disorder Daughter

Hi there
I have a 20 year old daughter who was diagnosed with BPD a couple of months ago. She is away at uni but is coming back to stay at home for her 3rd year work placement from end of May. She is currently at home for the Easter break. When she is at uni she is on the phone constantly and things are manageable. When she is back, it’s a nightmare. She has been home for only a few days and the tension in the house is already horrible and difficult. I have a younger daughter who my eldest has already criticised to the point of meltdown. Last time she was home it was my youngest birthday and my eldest managed to ruin this for her too. She is just horrible to her. It doesn’t matter what we do, how we approach her, how we try and talk to her, whether it’s softly or not, directly or not, she doesn’t get it and just sees it as a direct criticism of her and she kicks off and everything is even worse. The reality is she is bullying our youngest. I don’t use the word bullying lightly. We can’t allow this to happen but have no idea how to manage this. Any ideas or suggestions? We are open to anything! Eldest has basically said we have ostracised her so she has to stay in her room. Youngest is almost mute with distress. I also have an older son who is 30 and autistic. He lives in a residential. The world of mental health issues is not new to me at all. Life has always been colourful and complex. But these are definitely new challenges!

HI Amanda,

could she commute from uni to her work placement? Or go back to her uni accommodation at weekends?


Is your daughter with the BPD diagnoses getting any CBT or therapy that may help, or do you think you can access family Councilling through a social worker. I know this has helped some people, but all these things take time and a bit of a fight to access. You must look after your own mental health. Joining this forum has, for me, shown me how many other people are also struggling. I have a son who’s got medical problems as well as Atusim, although not officially diagnosed yet, one of my daughters went through a lot of mental health problems due to lockdown and other stress in life, she was refusing help till it got bad. Kids are hard work. I don’t know how to help but I can relate to your pain.

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