Bi polar mania episode wife now convinced she wants a divorc

Following on from my previous post, my wife has been in a psychiatric unit for 3 weeks on a section 2.

They have changed her meds recently and she seems to be coming back to normal, but has now decided she wants a divorce and she doesn’t love me anymore. She wants a separate bank account and custody of our daughter.

My question is, is this all part of the illness, or is this what she really wants, we have been married for 10 years and rarely argue.

She keeps ringing me and telling me these things which has now started affecting my mental health, do I just ride it out and hope things go back to normal, or is this the future, and obviously I don’t want to lose my daughter, as she has already seen too many of my wife’s outbursts before she was hospitalised.

Please help! :-???

I doubt that she really means it. Perhaps she just wants to see how you react.
I think she is testing your love for her. Try not to get upset about this - reassure her that you still love her and miss her very much. Tell her that you just want her to get better and come home.
If your wife continues to say she wants a divorce tell her that that is not what you want, and that she is upsetting you.
Tell her that she needs to concentrate on getting better for her own sake.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I have written a short letter to her last week telling her I love her and I am here for her and always will be. I know in my heart I need to ride it out, but it’s so difficult!

I’m not sure now is the right time to tell her this over the phone, as everytime I speak to her it’s like a recording! Unfortunately due to Covid I can’t go into the ward and she can’t get leave due to being on 1 to 1 care.

I’m sorry, this is obviously a horrendous time for you.
I’m afraid I have no experience of manic episodes, but your wife saying she wanted a divorce did remind me of something.
Different illness, but my mam had dementia & went through a phase where she was convinced dad was having an affair, bear in mind they were in their 80’s. Extremely difficult time for all, but of course especially for dad. They had been married for 60 years. Mam even threw her wedding dress away, which upset me very much as I’d wanted to keep it. But, it all passed & from then until she died Mam was very affectionate to dad.
Sorry, not much help I know, but I do understand your situation even though the illness is different.
I wish you all well

No wonder she’s feeling like this if she isn’t allowed visitors! When was the last time you saw her in person?
When you’re in hospital the days seem incredibly long with nothing much happening.

Thank you for your reply Karen_2004123456, I have previously had some experience with dementia patients on a uni course, and although the 2 illnesses are very different, there are definitely some similarities between them. Thank you for your kind words also!

Karen Dee, I last saw her last Friday through the window. It was quite distressing for both me and my daughter who she is desperate to see and every time she talks to her builds her hopes up that she can go and see her, which I have been told is definitely not possible yet, as she is still quite unpredictable in her mood!

She is clearly not in her “right mind” at the moment, so lacks mental capacity to make major lifetime decisons. I know how hard this must be, my sister in law was hospitalised due to post natal depression that was so bad it had another name, I can’t remember right now.
Sadly, it took a long time before she was well, and by then there had been such a rift that she and my brother did divorce, and their lives changed forever. 30 years later, I see how much not just their lives, but their children’s lives, were affected forever after.
Hang on in there, and try not to be hurt by anything she says now, as she is so ill.

BB was it post partum psychosis? A dreadful thing to happen.
Simon, my husband was awful to me when he had delirium. At the time I didn’t understand and it nearly broke me. I did learn not to engage with such talk. It upset me more than him I think. Hard as it is, ( very hard) try not to get into conversation when your wife is saying these things,as she is obviously very ill. One day at a time if you can. Believe me I understand the hurt. Try to put a guard up.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I will definitely take the advise given and hopefully things will turn out well. My daughter has seen and heard enough of this manic episode, and far more than I wanted her to, and I know if my wife does feel this way when she is “better” then it won’t just hurt me but also my daughter and I know my wife definitely doesn’t want that!

Pet, yes. It was so difficult, she was Egyptian, air hostess, they met in Saudi where my brother was an aircraft engineer. Baby went into foster carer a while, then after discharge SIL wasn’t coping, went back to her parents in Egypt leaving me with the baby girl! SSD pleaded with me to have her, I agreed on the understanding I had help for M. All agreed, I had the baby, but no help ever happened!!!

Hi, just a quick update. The doctors have managed to get my wifes meds sorted and she is back to how she was before the mania.

She has apologised for everything she has said, and has said if the shoe was on the other foot, she would have run for the hills.

I would like to thank everyone that replied to my post and gave advice. Unfortunately I wasn’t mentally strong enough to cope with everything that happened, but have started on some meds and the future looks bright.

My wife is going to be discharged from the hospital next week as she has come on leaps and bounds. Me and my daughter are going to visit her later as she has her first section 17 leave, so we can start up where we left things.

I would also like to say this forum is an absolute God send. I had no knowledge of bi polar mania, or what would happen and by speaking to people who are either in the same situation or have experienced it previously it was vital to me.

Hopefully I won’t need to write any more posts, but I will certainly give any knowledge I have gained to others on here when it is needed. Simon

Thanks for keeping us up to date. When you wife is home again be sure to ease her back to running the home very gently with lots of time to adjust, I hope it all goes well.

Our daughter, during a four month psychotic episode went through phases of hating us and believing that we were holding her against her will, when of course it was a medical decision. She became her loving trusting self in the fifth month but now she is much better she still believes that hospital was a prison that did not help her. When she hears voices that tell her that her meds are poisoning her she then doesn’t take them and deteriorates, relying on alcohol and other destructive things as props. You need to be as objective as you can be to see that your wife is currently very unwell and it’s not personal. Look after yourself to switch off and stay strong for her.

Oh that is good news! I am pleased to hear that your wife is coming home soon.
I agree with you about this forum - it is very useful.