Anyone here supporting adult children? MH and ASD Spectrum?

Hi all, I’m new to this forum. Looking for support (FB friends perhaps?) or your stories I guess.

I’m a mum of three, D18, S13, D6. Im separated from the children’s Dad (my first husband of 17 years) and my second husband (2 years) walked out on us two weeks ago.

My eldest daughter has had a serious deterioration in her MH over the last 18 months. At the moment, it is believed she has Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and is ASD spectrum more Aspergers (that was) end of the spectrum.

My sister is diagnosed with Bipolar type 1, Histrionic Personality Disorder and BPD. The professionals believe I’m on the mild end of BPD as well. But I’ve flagged up in bad periods of my life as possible cyclomania (mild bipolar). I’m in control of my own MH, I have counselling training and work in Mental Health Wellbeing, as much as I can around my family responsibilities.

My Mum is Aspergers and Dad seems to suffer with Depression. Aside from these we have a strong extended family history of MH and my daughter has a difficult relationship with her Dad, even though he loves her dearly he has always struggled to cope with her.

I just feel so alone in my circumstances, I wonder if I do the right thing for my daughter often and I’m really struggling to get her to engage with services. Am I enabling her inability to function or am I making the only choices I can.

My daughter’s struggles are these.

• Building and maintaining friendships with her peers.
• Holding down work/study.
• Severe insomnia.
• Extremes of emotions.
• Distress when separated from me, unless she is with my sister or her boyf of 5 years (also seems to be on the spectrum)
• ASD meltdowns.
• Jealously of siblings/my partners. (Both Dad and my recent husband)
• Quick mood swings (days not weeks) - highs/lows.
• Physical symptoms - joint pain, hives, swollen joints ect…
• Low self worth.
• Rumination of past traumas.
• Low energy.
• Disengagement with talk therapy issues.
• Fear of men with exception to my Dad and her Boyf.
• Lack of sexual intimacy in her relationship.
• Hears voices and sees illusions but not from a psychotic perspective.
• Complusive financial spending (mood driven)
• Binge eating, only eats very restricted foods.
• Disassociation.
• Nightmares/terrors.
• Uses comfort props - teddies all have names/weighted blankets/can only sleep with noise cancelling headphones
• Obsessions.

Is anyone else living the same sort of life as me?

Hi Kara

I can emphathise with you…

I have two young people to care for.

Son age 24 is autistic needs lots of support
Son age 20 learning disability etc

It is so full on trying to look after both their needs
Especially since lockdown

Do you have an ehc plan for your eldest. (EDucation, health and Care Plan)

These are good for young people up to the age of 25 who still need to access education…that could be preparation for adulthood and lifeskills.

Particularly good for young people that are not making progress due to barriers in the way.

As part of the process various assessments are done… Educational psy hology/speech and language…OT etc.

Hi Kara,
I care for S, he is now 28 and has autism and related learning disability. His childhood was straight forward (as long as we approached life in an autism friendly way.) Mid to late teens he had lots of problems - puberty is hard enough for the NT population, but factor in autism as well - and that takes it to a whole new level. His anxiety went through the roof, self harm, his behaviour became very challenging. Early to mid 20’s back on track.

View her comfort props as necessities. Has she had a sensory assessment by an OT? It needs to be one who is trained and interested in sensory needs. Often professionals only have a very cursory understanding of autism - 'they need routine don’t they" etc; if the professionals involved in her care aren’t experienced in autism then she won’t engage with them as they won’t have the right understanding or approach. Provide her with info so she can learn as much about her autism as possible as this will improve her wellbeing.


Hi, a quick reply ‘cos it’s late and I’m tired.
What you’ve posted is very familiar. Adult Daughter with BPD, assessed for autism age 9, told autistic traits only. Sensory issues, friendship problems etc.
Will try & reply further tomorrow, in the meantime, if you want to dm me, feel free
Take care


It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

I have 2 young adult children, both with mh issues.

The eldest is a daughter who was diagnosed with eupd 2 years ago and is on a waiting list for dbt.
She’s recently also been diagnosed with asd and we’re hoping this will give her access to more support as she’s been struggling a lot for the past 3/4 years.
She lives about an hours drive from home.

My son missed a lot of school because of physical health and massive anxiety issues. He still lives at home and I believe he may have pda, though he is not able to engage with that idea - or any type of support actually as he finds it too challenging.

I was glad to find this post as I guess I’m looking for a support network too.

Thank you Ann, Karen, Melly and cloudy gal.

I really appreciate your replies and although I’m not pleased you’re all in similar situations it’s great to hear I’m not alone in this!

Ann I’d happily become a person in your support network as that’s what I need too. Do you have Facebook? How old are your son and daughter? My daughter is also EUPD apparently but I use the BPD term as more people seem to recognise it…I feel she has bi-polar though, possibly as well as. My sister has a diagnosis after a psychosis of Borderline personality disorder, bipolar and histrionic personality disorder and the MH team believe I also have a borderline case of emotional intensity but knowing myself better I so believe its cyclomania (mild bipolar rather that EI, as I don’t have the abandonment and other typical traits but I do have the highs and lows of BP, its just my highs tens to be extremely productive so it’s hard to see that they’re triggered by manic thoughts)

Hey Karen. I know it well. Are you on FB? How old are your children now?

Hey Melly. Same question are you on FB? No she hasn’t had a sensory assessment but does have stims and she uses various sensory props (toys/fabric ect). How would I get one of these? We are still waiting for the autistic team to assess her (covid19 hasn’t helped!) She’s only really had very sporadic support for her MH.
My son also has diagnosed autistic traits and is borderline ADHD inattentive (lack of concentration rather than the stereotypical type) he has hit puberty this year but seems to cope very well, he has high self esteem and no MH problems, it seems.

Thank you all for your support, I forgot i’d left this message and remembered today after a voices episode last night with my daughter and feeling like I needed some camaraderie this morning!