I’m not new here, but it has been a while since I last posted. I initially found huge support here when at breaking point caring for both elderly parents. Dad passed away 2 years ago, so it is now just Mum. She has Alzheimer’s, but has lived at home pretty successfully for the 3 years with help from me, my sister and outside carers. However inevitably her condition has got worse over the past few months.
We all acknowledge that she as at a stage of needing 24/7 care. She is increasingly confused, lonely and needs constant reassurance, as is common with Alzheimer’s. She also forgets that she has seen us, so although she may have had company 6 days of the week, she won’t remember that in the 7th day when she has less contact and will swear blind she’s not seen anyone all week. She also left the tap on and flooded the kitchen last week in the 2 hours between my sister and a carer going in, so is starting to pose a risk to herself when we are not there.
She herself says ‘she needs to go in somewhere’ and in normal times I think we would be looking for a care home. However in light of the lack of visiting in homes this feels barbaric. She still knows us and gets huge joy from children and grandchildren, to cut this off feels awful. So is there another way? Has anyone experience of having maybe a live in carer in someone’s own home? How would we arrange this, what are the pros and cons? On a temporary basis my sister and I could probably cover half the week, so would be looking for someone part time. She will be self funding as has savings of around £50,000 and receives full attendance allowance. She owns her own home. Any help and thoughts gratefully appreciated.
How old is mum?
Does she claim exemption from Council Tax?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
How many children does she have in total?
Has she made a will?
Does she sleep well, or wander at night?
Would you or a sibling like to live in mum’s house one day?
All these factors will affect the final decision, most of all though, her age. Long term planning for someone age 59, and 99, will be very different.
When the time comes, where would you like the home to be, near her home, a siblings home, or your home?
Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. In answer to your questions.
Mum is 80
She is exempt from Council Tax and claims higher level Attendance Allowance
My sister and I have joint POA for finance and health and welfare
She has 2 children myself an my sister
She has a will which divides the estate in 2.
Her nights are variable, sometimes she sleeps through, sometimes she has complete panics about where she is which is very frightening for her.
We don’t want to live in Mum’s house and accept we may need to sell it to fund care at some point.
In terms of where care home should be, Mum and sister live 5 minutes away from each other, so close to them would make sense as I am only 30 minutes away it wouldn’t be hard for me to visit.
Any advice gratefully received. Like most of her generation she worked incredibly hard for the little she has. She lives in a modest house which put together with her savings would be very quickly eaten away by care home fees for her not to really be able to spend time with family right now. Her local care home is £875 per week and I just feel there must be some better way of spending that whilst the covid restrictions are in place to keep her safe in her own home a little longer.